Timbuktu and Rhymer Too

Poetry Contest

The national Poetry Contest had come to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained that word. The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU"

The first to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"SLOWLY ACROSS THE DESERT SAND
TREKKED A LONELY CARAVAN
MEN ON CAMELS TWO BY TWO
DESTINATION - TIMBUKTU"

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"ME AND TIM A HUNTIN WENT
MET THREE WHORES IN A POP UP TENT
THEY WERE THREE AND WE WAS TWO
SO I BUCKED ONE, AND TIMBUKTU"

Love Poem Competition

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

No.1003