Friday, July 27, 2007

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Pearly Gates

If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the earth to have become populated.
This is surely proof positive that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."

There was a man called Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drives off. The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then leaves.The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim tells her "That's ok." The woman says "Are you sure?" Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me.
Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?"
God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon
a cave. Across the wall of the cave the following symbols were
carved, in this order: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a
Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find, and the
writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out
the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where
archaeologists from all over the world had come to study the ancient

They held a huge meeting, after months of conferences to discuss the
meaning of the markings. The president of the society stood up and
pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We
can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high
esteem. You can also tell that they were intelligent, as the next
symbol resembles a donkey; so they were smart enough to train animals
to help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of
some sort, which means they even had tools to work with. Even
further proof of their intelligence is the fish which means that if a
famine had hit the earth whereby the crops didn't grow, they would
take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of
David, which means they were evidently Hebrew."

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. This is what it says
........... 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on That Woman!!'

The new minister's wife had a baby.The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children isan Act of God!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!"




OldHorsetailSnake said...

Holy mackerel that was funny.

Listen, Hale, I need your email address. I am awarding you my Perfect Post for your post, early this month, about alternative names for books, movies, etc., which you updated. I need your address so I can send you the code you can put in your b**g or your template. Thankee.

Hale McKay said...

Why thank you, Hoss. Will do right away.

Hale McKay said...

I posted my e-mail address in the comments of your last post, Hoss. I'll out here also:

It is also available on my profile.

Thanks again for the honor.