YOU'RE GETTING OLDER WHEN...
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
- You look both ways before crossing a room.
- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.
- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You send money to PBS.
- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
- You look both ways before crossing a room.
- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.
- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You send money to PBS.
- The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
No.1104
1 comment:
Some of these ring true for me - not all of them - but enough!
Post a Comment