What if I took some cartoons from my buddy Earl, some jokes from Jack, and a few I found myself and then mixed them all together in one post, what do suppose I would have?
Why it would be a smorgasbord of humor for the Baby Boomer set to feast upon of course!
You're not a Baby Boomer? Feel free to laugh anyway, because one day you'll find that these jokes are just a preview of your own later years.
An old man had been hard of hearing for many years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
.... The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
....The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
....Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
...."Really!" Like a newborn baby?"
...."Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
...."Do I know her?"
...."This woman, is she good looking?"
...."Is she a good cook?"
...."Naw, she can't cook too well."
...."Does she have lots of money?"
...."Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
...."Well, then, is she good in bed?"
...."I don't know."
...."Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
...."Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
...."Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
....Morris replied, "Just doing what you said Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
...." The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful."
A man was standing in front of the bathroom mirror primping. His wife was watching as he combed and recombed his hair each time relocating the part. He turns to her and says, "When I comb my hair like this, does it remind you of any rock stars?"
....She walks over , looks first at him and then into the basin and replies, "Yes. As a matter of fact I'm thinking ...'N Sync."
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
....The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
...."No," he replied, "Arthritis."
GOING UP RIVER
At the Senior Citizens' luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day.
....The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
....All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
....They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" There she went again, stripped off and made wild passionate love to him again.
....This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, "Well, do you want to go up or down?"
....The woman replied, "Down."
....A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
....She replied, "Up."
....This really confused the gentleman so he asks, "What's the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing."
....She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn't have my hearing aid in and I thought you said 'f**k or drown'!"