Reach Out and Touch Someone In the Sticks

A special blogging friend, Jules , moved a while back from Texas to Louisiana to pursue her new career as a teacher. I know I'm not alone in missing her amusing posts.

To those familiar with astrophysics, her new locale can be likened to that phenomenon known as a black hole , in which nothing that enters can escape, even light. To those into science fiction and time travel, you might say she has landed in an era before the existence of modern forms of communication. Could it be she has found herself in an episode of Rod Serling's Twilight Zone ?

In her case, the truth is actually stranger than fiction. It was just her luck that she had to take a job in an area of the country where they have no cable TV and her only only access to the Internet is via a dial-up connection. Don't worry though, she is faring okay and has adapted - because she has no choice.

So I was thinking, just how do you "reach out and touch someone in the sticks?"

I suppose I could climb to the top of a hill and YELL or YODEL maybe.

Perhaps I could beat on drums like the natives used to do in the jungles in those Tarzan movies, or like the American Indians in a John Ford western.

If it was a bright sunny day, I always use a mirror to send a signal.

I could always send a message by carrier pigeon. Pigeons aren't very dependable and we have a lot of Peregrine falcons around here.

I know, I could grab some flags and wave out a message. Nah, she might not know semaphore, then again I don't either.

I could use a bow and arrow! Bah, the trouble with shooting an arrow into to the air, is that when it comes down, you don't know where.

I ruled out smoke signals because of the unpredictability of the winds. Besides, I could never figure out how to use Smoke Signal Spell Checker. Get one small puff of smoke wrong and the whole meaning of the message could be altered. If that isn't bad enough, using punctuation is very difficult.

Alas, when it comes to smoke, there will always be those who will complain about breathing it or that it's getting in their eyes.

Messengers or couriers aren't very effective either. They've been known to get lost or to take wrong turns at Albuquerque.

I was starting to run out of options. A parachute drop ? By telegraph ?

Then I thought, "Why not just call her - on a telephone ?" ...And I did!

It was nice to hear her voice (for the first time) and to find that she is doing okay. She is adapting to life in a "Hooterville-Mayberry-Pleasantville" world. She loves her job and her kindergarten students. She finally found a store that carried tortillas.

She misses all of her blogger friends, non-dial up Internet, television, and of course, sex (not necessarily in that order).

If you are one of the lucky ones to whom she gave her address and phone number, why not "Reach Out and Touch Someone In the Sticks."

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