Twisted Thoughts

Q: I was thinking that since they put pictures of missing children on milk cartons, where do hey put pictures of missing transvestites ?

A: (On cartons of Half & Half.)

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A urologist asked a patient, "How would you descrbe your sex life?"

The patient replied, "Infrequently."

The urologist then asked, "Is that one word or two?"

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A man and wife were watching a pay-per-view boxing match one evening on television.

Flabbergasted the husband said, "Man, what a rip-off! It was over in four minutes."

The wife replied, "Now you know how I feel."

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A blonde was telling a friend that she wasn't sure why she was so popular around school.

"Do you suppose it's my figure?" she asked.

"No," replied her friend.

"My personality?" she asked.

"No way!" her friend answered.

"Is it my brains?"

"Oh hell no."

Exasperated with her friend she threw her arms up and said, "I give up."

Said her friend, "I think that might be it."

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Subject: Loaded Lexis

A woman walked into a Lexus dealership to browse,and spotted the most beautiful, perfectly "loaded" Lexus. She walked over to inspect it more closely. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery,an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her.Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to seeif anyone had noticed.

There, standing right behind her, was a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day,Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it,you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

No.1131