Saturday, November 10, 2007

Hale's Best Cellars List

New York Times Best Sellers List? Phooey!

Why should the book critics who only read the synopses from the book jackets decide what we should read? Best sellers? Hah!

Be hereby advised that the best books don't come from "best sellers lists!" Indeed not. The best books come from the BEST CELLARS.

From my literary cellar I submit to you three sure-to-be classics. Looking for a good book to curl up with in bed? Look no farther.

Let me begin with a fascinating reworking of a classic fairy tale. Hugh G. Rection has written his best novel to date, Riding Red Hood.

In this stirring novel we find that the much maligned wolf is not the bad one. He has been hired by old lady Hood to protect her from her evil grand daughter, Red.

He huffs and puffs without success to blow her down. Then he finds that she can huff and puff with the best of them!

Will our hero succumb to her lecherous demands when she reaches into her basket of goodies?

********************************Finally a commendable adaptation of Mary Shelly's classic monster! It took one Dick Head to do it.

She's Alive! She's Alive! follows the experiments of a lonely scientist who creates his own ideal woman. Says he of his creation, "She isn't pretty, but she sure is fun to dance with."

Unbeknownst to him, the necessary brain his faithful servant Igor has retrieved was that of a rabbit. She is insatiable and the scientist finds he has created a love monster he cannot satisfy. When she ultimately escapes no man in the village is safe!

Catch A Frog is an unauthorized account of a forbidden love affair between a pig and a frog! Phyl McKrakin spares no detail in revealing the torrid relationship of amphibian and swine.

You won't be able to put this page-turner down as you learn the lengths taken by the world's most celebrated pig to win her frog.

You'll blush when she describes how she once covered herself with fruit flies and the ecstasy she felt as his sticky tongue feasted from her naked body.

A real rocking roll in the sty!


There you have three must-reads for your reading pleasure. Since I have already read them, I'll have to go crawling around in the cellar to find some more of these literary masterpieces.



Jack K. said...

Crawl around in the cellar? I thought you had a gimpy leg.

At least your reading material should take you mind off of the pain.

You are one weird dude. I can't tell you how pleased I am to have stumbled across your site.

I reckon we weird dudes gotta stick together. lmao

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hell, I've read all these. Don't you have any new stuff?