Sunday, January 13, 2008

Eskimo Pies

The January thaw is history! If the weather reports are correct, I'll be waking up in the morning to some of the twelve inches of snow that has been forecast.

By 10pm most of the cities and towns in and around the Boston area have already announced school closings. Getting to work is going to be problematic, if I'm able to get out at all!

My back is beginning to stiffen already just thinking about shoveling that white crap. The last three storms we had, all within a week, dumped a total of 26". The thaw got rid of almost all of it save for a few large mounds here and there that survived the warmer temps of late.

Not being a fan of winter, I wonder how Eskimos get along living with six months of winter. It must be awfully difficult, especially when it comes to relieving oneself, i.e., pissing ice cubes and passing bricks.

Now the little guy in the cartoon at the left has certainly made the best of it. Not only does he relieve himself, but he manages to secure supper out of the deal too.

Stranded Eskimo

A man was walking down the street and saw an Eskimo looking at his car tire.
So the man said, “You blow a seal?”
And the Eskimo responded “No. That's just frost on my mustache.”

Eskimo Wannabe

One night, two Eskimos are sitting in a bar in northern Alaska, when they are accosted by a young man from the Mainland. The fellow has obviously been drinking. He slurs, "Hey, ya know, I've always admired you Eskimos. I REEAAALLLY like Eskimos. I've ALWAYS WANTED to be an Eskimo. Tell me how ta BE an Eskimo, huh?"

The Eskimos wink at each other. One tells the guy, "Okay, to become an Eskimo, there are only three things that you have to do. First, you've got to drink a whole bottle of Yukon Jack at once, then you've got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and, finally, you have to make love to an Eskimo woman."

The guy takes this in. He ticks off three fingers to himself. Then he heads over to the bar, and orders a bottle of Yukon Jack. Already drunk, he drinks the whole thing down. This has a bad effect on his balance. The fellow staggers out of the bar, muttering something like "Polar bear, Polar bear..."

Several hours pass.

Finally, the door to the bar opens, and the drunk is back. He looks a fright. His parka is ripped, one of his arms is dangling at a crazy angle, and he's got blood all over his face. He staggers over to the Eskimos, and says, "ALL right. I've got the Yukon Jack. I've got the polar bear. Now WHERE'S THIS ESKIMO WOMAN I'VE GOTTA KILL?"

BRRRR! This picture makes me cold just thinking about having to bundle up tomorrow morning. I'm turning in early to rest up for the snow shoveling job ahead.

If any of you live in the areas due to get snow, be careful and drive safely.



Skunkfeathers said...

LOL...Tuesday it will be 55 degrees here. Wednesday...20 or more degrees cooler and snow.

It ain't over yet!

Mushy said...

Very funny stuff!