Friday, February 01, 2008

MapQuest's "_apQuest" Spin-offs

Wall Street investors received a boost of confidence when Microsoft announced its $50 billion bid for Yahoo. The move is viewed as Microsoft's attempt to counter Google's acquisition of online advertising giant, Double Click.

Meanwhile, AOL's MapQuest has chosen to go another route in attempt to increase its market share in the field of search engines. Rather than spend money on take-over bids, MapQuest will develop a series of software packages to compliment its popular map programs. They have decided to address the consumer's needs to find more than just directions from point A to point B.

There was excitement on college campuses across the country when news of the first of the "_apQuest" software was leaked. Designed to "tap" into the large consumer demographic of college students, TapQuest, will have links to chat rooms and forums containing information and announcements of campus and off-campus parties.

The software will also include advice on a savings plan for students who are short on funds.

The 401KegPlan

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago,
it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.

With MCI/Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Miller Genuine Draft
(the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drunk all the beer then
turned in the cans for the 10-cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above,'s current investment advice is to
take that $5.00 you have left over And drink lots and lots of beer and recycle


To say that LapQuest is designed for men would be an understatement. This software promises to seek out the best places in selected cities where the best and hottest lap dancers and strippers can be found.

Whether you are planning for bachelor parties, retirement parties, graduation parties, birthday parties, or for simply a night out with the guys, LapQuest is sure to be a success.

Ladies, don't feel left out, for there is LapQuest 1.0, especially designed for the feminine set.

The "_apQuest" series isn't limited to alcohol consumption, lap dancers and strippers. Indeed, MapQuest is offering a wide range of software packages to cover a wide range of search topics. (An alphabetized list of those products follows:)

-1) BAPQuest - Find Black American Princesses
-2) CapQuest - Find John Deere or any other logo-bearing caps
-3) CrapQuest - Find the cleanest and safest bathrooms; special section on outhouses
-4) GapQuest - Find the nearest Gap Stores outlet
-5) JAPQuest - Find Jewish American Princesses

-6) NapQuest - Find the best ways and places to nap on the job without getting caught; includes many excuses for napping
-7) PapQuest - Find baby food
-8) RapQuest - Not what it seems. Find places where rap music is not allowed or tolerated. (Fans of rap can refer to the section labled "Places To Avoid" if they really want to find places where rap is accepted.)
-9) SAPQuest - Find Southern American Princesses (small database available)
10) TrapQuest - Find locations of speed traps, tourist traps, sand traps, etc.

There are other programs under development: ChapQuest, ClapQuest, FlapQuest, SlapQuest, SnapQuest, SwapQuest, ZapQuest, etc.

I don't know about you, but I think MapQuest is on to something!

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll check out my copy of NapQuest.



Jack K. said...

How about ZapQuest?

There are at least two possibilities for this one:

!) Where to find the local office of Cousin Vinnie and the leg breakers, or

2) the closest microwave oven when you are on the road.

Just some thoughts.

jules said...

I wanna apply now for the job on Lab Quest. At this point, just about any lap would do, damn it.

Hale McKay said...

Jules honey,

It's always good to see your comments. I trust you are well.

If you are in need of a lap to practice on, let me know - mine has a vacancy.