I Never Said That

Everyone is familiar with the the three monkeys See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil. Did you know there is a fourth monkey? That's him on the left in the above picture. He is Do No Evil.

Probably because of some purist in the past, he has been generally omitted from most depictions of these wise monkeys. Why? Probably because some people can abide by the virtues of the last three simians, but cannot accept the chastity of the first.

I think that is ridiculous. I see more people who cannot live by any of them!

This may come as a surprise to Northeners, but there is a Southern version of those "wise" monkeys. They are depicted below. As you can see the ethics associated with the trio is slightly different than what you are accustomed.

Oh yeah, the Southern monkeys also have a fourth member who is usually dismissed. His name is Lets Do It.

You might be asking, "Just where is this leading?" I'm glad you asked. You see, Southerners (Rednecks) apply the virtues of their monkeys to their daily lives just as others elsewhere do with their own versions. For proof of that statement, you need look no further than at the following list:

30 Things You Won't Hear A Redneck Male Say:

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling's fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: drive.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
-9. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
-8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
-7. Checkmate.
-6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
-5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
-4. I don't have a favorite college team.
-3. You All.
-2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND NUMBER ONE....

-1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.

I've heard stories that Southern women have their own version of the 3 Wise Monkeys when referring to their men.

I don't know if that's true or not.


I never said that!

No.1286