Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Hysterically Lyrically Getting Along

Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers. ~Mary Tyler Moore

When writer's block sets in and the creative juices aren't flowing, I can always turn to that Relationship Triumvirate of Dating, Marriage and Sex. It is on those subjects that we know both everything and nothing!

In the war, there are rules of engagement. In relationships the rules are that there are no rules. Rules or no rules, an important key to the success of any relationship is communication.
| Marriage Seminar |

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it, honey?"

In relationships we have to avoid the traps, lest we find ourselves in a mine field. Communication can be fraught with those situations where there is no safe response.

The man in the cartoon at the right has pulled off a major coup - as long as she doesn't read the headlines.

| Respect |

Girl: "Will you still respect me in the morning?"
Male: "I don't respect you now."

Couples show always be honest and respect one another. Also, they should not say:

Something Stupid

And afterwards we drop into a quiet place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid like
...Wanna screw?

| Picture In His Wallet |

A man and his wife had been married for several years. About two years into their marriage the husband began carrying a picture of Pam around in his wallet, something she had noticed but didn't comment on for several months. Every once in awhile she'd catch him looking at her photo and finally her curiosity got the best of her.

"I notice that several months ago you started carrying a photo of me with you. Why?" asked the wife.

The husband smiled at his wife stating, "whenever there is an overwhelming problem or stress in my life I simply pull out your picture, stare at it, and the problem or stress suddenly disappears."

"Wow!" responded his wife. "I have that strong of a miraculous influence on you?"

"Of course you do," he said. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'what greater problem in the world is there than this one?'"

| Yes, She Was A Blonde |

Rick and Dianne were madly in love and couldn't wait to get married. However, there was a slight problem. Rick didn't own a car and Dianne's car was getting old with more than 120,000 miles on it. Dianne told Rick she'd love to marry him, but needed to first sell her car and buy one with fewer miles on it in anticipation of starting a family.

So Dianne put her car up for sale, but no one wanted to buy it. This frustrated Rick, because he was one of those extremely rare men that was actually anxious to get married.

Finally, Rick told Dianne that he "knew someone" that could turn back the odometer of her car so that she could sell it. Dianne was hesitant, but finally agreed.

A few days later, Dianne called Rick with the exciting news.

"We can get married now!" she proclaimed.

Rick was ecstatic. "You sold the car?!" he asked.

"There's no need to," she excitedly responded. "Mine only has 50,000 miles on it now!"

| Guilt |

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me", she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up sleeping with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see", nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter".

"No!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

| What's His Name |

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter,something or other...."

(Want to laugh at the relationships of men and women living their lives in the days of pirates? Check out Thar's Piracy in Privacy.)



Fred said...

The stories, of course, are great. I loved the first cartoon about the guy reading the book.

After reading this, I think it's a good idea to put a picture of my mother-in-law in my wallet.

Jack K. said...

Great stories. Needed the laugh.

Oldies and goodies among them.

Serena Joy said...

LOL! That's a great collection of little stories. God knows, if you can't laugh about it... :-)

Hale McKay said...

The one about the mileage was a new one to me.

Well the play with Something Stupid was my original made up for this post.

Hale McKay said...


I never wanted a picture of my mother-in-law in my wallet - I saw her too often in person.

Hale McKay said...


That's the one thing about relationship jokes - everyone can relate to them.

Hale McKay said...


True - so true! I suppose we all could come up with some true anecdotes about our own individual relationships over the years.

Hmmm - - Should I? Dare I?

Jack K. said...

Yep and yep.

Phils Phun said...

G'day Hale
Greeetings from the great land down under
Great collection of funnies
Iam having a couple of beers for you...Yum

Hale McKay said...

Hiya Phil. Good to hear from you, mate.

Those beers Fosters?