After having their eleventh child, a couple from the country named Bubba and Mary Sue decided that enough was enough, (they couldn't afford a larger doublewide). So Bubba went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
Bubba later said to Mary Sue, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Kentucky to get a second opinion. The physician was just
about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Tennessee. The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it up to his ear and count to ten.
Figgerin' that BOTH learned physicians couldn't be wrong, Bubba went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5...", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
A redneck farmer told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the grandson did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Have a happy and safe 4th of July holiday everyone.