Wednesday, August 13, 2008

When You're Young At Heart

Although they were quite young, it was
little Johnny and Mary who were the first
to discover the practicality of the back seat.

(I've been sitting on a few jokes involving children and their naivete' about adult matters, more specifically sex. I decided to surf for a few more and realized that I would run the risk of being flagged as a possible pervert looking for child pornography. I used "children and sex jokes" for my browser search. I saw no ads, links or references to porn or incest, so I think I'm safe from federal scrutiny.)

A Neat Trick

There was a little boy playing in his front yard, and his grandpa was sitting on the porch watching his grandson play.

The grandfather saw the little boy pull a worm out of the ground, so the grandfather went up to his grandson and said, "Hey son, I'll give you five dollars if you can stick that worm back into the hole you pulled it out of."

The little boy thought it would be easy enough, so he tried. After awhile, the boy was about to give up, but suddenly he ran inside and got a can of his grandmother's hair spray. He sprayed it all over the worm and let it dry and then he stuck it back into the hole.

The grandpa said, "Well, boy that's a neat trick, here's your five dollars."

The next day, the little boy was playing again, and the grandfather came up to him and handed him another five dollars. The little boy said, "What is this for?"

The grandfather said, "Your grandmother thought it was a neat trick too!"


A young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father."

Good Manners

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes", said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."

A New Bike

An 8-year-old boy is walking by his divorced mothers bedroom one night when he hears strange sounds coming from inside.

He peeks in the door to see his mother lying naked on the bed, rubbing herself and moaning "I need a man. I need a man".

The next night, as he walks by, he again hears strange sounds. He peeks inside to see his mother with a man in bed with her.

The night after that, the boy's mother hears strange sounds coming from his room. She tip-toes to the door, peeks inside and there's her son lying naked on his bed, rubbing himself and moaning, "I need a bike. I need a bike.

Lost and Found

There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby.

One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked and he asked what was the hair in between her legs?

She responded, "It's my washcloth".

Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the doctor shaved her pubic hair, and the boy asked his mother: "What happened to your washcloth?"

The mother responded, "I lost it".

The little boy trying to be helpful set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running to his mother yelling and screaming, I found your washcloth, the mother thinking that the child was just playing went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"

The boy answered, "The maid has it and she is washing daddy's face with it."

That's One Big Bug!

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices off the man's penis. Angrily the woman tosses the penis out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a fella with his 10-year-old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy, what in the heck was that?!?"

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey".

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says... "Sure had a big dick!"



Skunkfeathers said...

Kids are learning younger and younger these days...knowing what bounced off a windshield...sheesh :)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I love that last joke. It's a pistol.