Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Parodies - More Than One "D"

What with Christmas displays in the stores, Christmas ads all over the place and Christmas carols playing on the radio ... You know what that means?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ...

... It's time for some Christmas carol parodies!

Picture if you will, a poor unemployed redneck coming home from the liquor store looking forward to sitting down at the table for some fried chicken and dumplin's.

Picture now this poor soul witnessing his lovely - ample - pleasingly plump - overweight - fat - VERY obese wife placing before him a bowl of salad greens and bean sprouts with no dressing, a stick of celery and a slice of unbuttered toast. Listen to the string of obscenities preceding the query, "What the f**k is this?"

Picture his jaw bouncing from the table as she tells him that she is going on a diet! See his disgust over her use of that four-letter word! See the tears welling up in his eyes as she says, "There'll be no more cooking in fat. We are going to eat healthy food from now on!"

Finally, picture this broken man sitting alone on the porch swing, his trusty hound dog at his feet, as he sips forlornly from a bottle of Jack Daniels. If you listen to the wind you will hear carried in the breeze his mournful lament.

Wide Missus

(Sung to the tune of "White Christmas")

I'm dreamin' of a wide missus
Just like the one I use to knows
When the scales top'd two hunderd
And her thighs thundered
When I heard them rubbing in her hose.

I'm dreamin' of a wide missus
With every low cal crap I bite
May she make a meal greasy and fried
And may her ass be a yardstick or so wide.

I'm dreamin' of a wide missus
Like the one who use to cook in lard
Where the drumsticks glistened
And we all listened
To grease poppin' and arteries get hard.

I'm dreamin' of a wide missus
With every dry salad I eat
May she make pies and red meat
And may her big butt overhang her seat.

I'm dreamin' of a wide missus
Just like when she was one of my fancies
Where her ample body jiggled
And then we giggled
When I tried to wrassel off her panties.

☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

From time to time, between now and Christmas when you stop by at this Blog, you will find a sampling of new and original parodies of your favorite and not so favorite Christmas carols. Also, I'll occasionally tap into my archives and reprint some classics too.

Question: - What do female reindeer do after Christmas?
--Answer: - They go out and blow a few bucks.



Skunkfeathers said...

An Xmas thought to ponder: why does Noel have an "L" in it?

*ducking boos and throwd eggnog cartons*

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahaha. So he goes on a diet too. Bwahahahahaha. I love it. I got a visual on her as well. It wasn't pretty either. Have a great day. :)

Nankin said...

This is adds new meaning to Christmas.

Hale McKay said...


That's just another of life's mystery.

Hale McKay said...


Sounds like he likes em big - the bigger the cushion ...

Hale McKay said...


Yeah, I guess the good old fashioned Christmas is passe.