Thursday, December 11, 2008

Treetop Vigil

An Oldie But Goodie...

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Over at The Bob Rivers Show ( Check it out here.) their radio crew paid tribute to that angel atop our Christmas trees with the following parody, sung to the tune of "Who Put the Bomp?":

Who Put The Stump?

I'd like to find the guy
Who done me wrong
And stuck my butt up
On this Christmas tree.

Who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who was that man?
He shoved it up my can
And left me stranded on this Christmas tree. (Yeah ...)

When this angel heard
Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop,
A dreadful fear went right into my heart.
Those pine tree needles sting me,
Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin' in my ding dong.
You'll never know how much that smarts. (Hooah ...)

So who put the stump
In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?
Who took and jammed it
In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?
Who stood the wood
Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who put the stick
Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who took that bush
And crammed it in my tush?
He made this angel beg for mercy, please. (Yow ...)

Each night when I'm alone,
Scratchity scratchity scratchity scratchity
Scratchity scratchity shoop ...
It sets my tiny bottom all aglow.
And every time I wiggle,
Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din,
A little further in it goes. (Ohhh/Yeah ...)

Ram-a-lam-a ding dong
Poopity poopity shoop ...)

There are plenty of Christmas parodies there, such as:

Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! (tune of "Let It Snow")
I'm Dreamin' of a White Trash Christmas ("White Christmas")
I'll Be Stoned For Christmas ("Home For Christmas)
Wreck the Malls ("Deck the Halls")
Walkin' Around in Women's Underwear ("Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree")



Skunkfeathers said...

When ya stop to think about this (kids, don't try this at home), the smell of a freshly-trimmed pine christmas tree is so much better, enema-ically, than what results.

Still, I don't expect any constipated angels will be appearing at my door and giving me the option of what to do widda tree... ;)

Jack K. said...

You guys are sick!!!


Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Jack, but they are sick in a good kind of way. Bwahahahahaha.

I see you have the Christmas spirit. Those darn angels anyway.

Have a terrific day. :)

Christina said...

Funny!!! But isn't "Walkin' around in Women's Underwear" to the tune of "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland"? That's how i heard it.

Hale McKay said...


Oops! Right you are, it is to the tune of 'Winter Wonderland.'

Hale McKay said...


Yes, I have the Christmas spirit - but the bottle is almost empty.

Hale McKay said...


If that's your diagnoses, Dr. Jack, what cure would you recommend?

Hale McKay said...


A pine enema is much better than hemlock tea.

Hale McKay said...


It was "Shopping Around For a Christmas Tree" that was to the tune of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.