Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The 1st Annual Viagra Games

Viagra is accepting applications
for its first annual Viagra Games.

Get a head start
Practice now!
_________________________________



Randolph


Randolph the short-hosed senior had a very flaccid hose,
And it you ever saw it, you would say it never rose.

All of the single ladies used to laugh and call it names,
They never let poor Randolph join in any bedroom games.

Then one horny Christmas Eve, the druggist came to say,
"Randolph with your hose so low, Viagra will make it grow.

Then how the ladies loved him, and the shouted out with glee,
"Randolph the long hosed senior, you're gonna go down on me."

_________________________________

Not Another "Night Before Christmas" Ripoff!

T'was the month before Christmas when all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying nor taking a stand.

The politically correct police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a " Holiday ".
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-is-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!

------------------------------------------

If this year someone preaches to you their PC crap
Don't call them a ball buster.
Keep the holiday cheer and call them a ...

1550

9 comments:

Christina said...

LOL @ Randolph!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours!!!!!!

Skunkfeathers said...

Is it hard to sign up?

*ducking boos and throwd Viagra wrappers*

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahahah on the jokes. As for the Night Before Christmas amen. So, with that in mind may I say, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have a great day. :)

Nankin said...

We worry about hurting every other group's feelings, but what about us poor ignored WASP? I say Merry Christmas, and too bad for those who don't like it.

Hale McKay said...

Christina,

MERRY CHRISTMAS also to you and yours.

Hale McKay said...

Skunk,

It's the hanging around waiting in line to sign up.

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

We should boycott the places that say "happy holidays."

Hale McKay said...

Nankin,

Amen. I agree. If they don't like it - let them eat cake - CHRISTMAS cake.

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