Rocking the "Love" Boat

I like satire. In fact, most of my original writings that are posted here are satires. This ... How in the heck am I supposed to satirize something that is, in and of itself, a satire? Or is it?

Are they just poking fun at Washington and the industries being bailed out?

(I think Jerry Falwell just rolled over in his grave.)
I guess it was bound to happen ...

We should have seen it coming.

Larry Flynt and Joe Francis have petitioned the U.S. Senate for a $5 billion bailout for the Porn Industry.

Flynt, publisher of "Hustler Magazine," and Harris, known for his "Girls Gone Wild" videos and DVDs, have stated that the government should also consider buying equity stakes in Porn companies like it has done with several financial firms.

When you think about it, obtaining equity in companies producing pornography would be a match made in heaven. Just ask Barney Frank, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, and oh yeah, let us not forget William Jefferson Clinton. (Of course with a little research, it would not be difficult to come with a more extensive list of politicians and celebrities who have made the news because of sex scandals.)

Senators and Congressmen in bed with the porn industry? It doesn't really make for strange bedfellows, does it?

In an announcement that launched a thousand unprintable puns, the two adult-entertainment moguls said Wednesday that they are asking Washington for a federal bailout because the porn business is suffering from the soft economy.

Francis insisted in a phone interview that this is no joke or publicity stunt, though his tone suggested otherwise. “The government’s handing out money to the auto industry,” he said on the phone from his Santa Monica office. “Why shouldn’t it hand some to an industry the nation could not live without?”

With stones as big as the fake boobs in attendance at the AdultVideoNews sponsored "Adult Expo" in Las Vegas, he said, "We're seeking federal assistance just to see us through the hard times."

Also present Flynt said the recession has acted like a national cold shower. “People are too depressed to be sexually active,” Flynt said. “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such, but they cannot do without sex.” (I guess you can say that the state of the economy has had a "Saltpeter Effect" on the porn industry, eh?)

Said a TV news anchor in Vegas, "If porn producers are feeling the effects of what one wire service called the sagging economy, then they should do what the average American is forced to do; just hang in there."

One adult-film star from the Los Angeles area said she is feeling the pinch. The actress who performs as Jenna Presley said her Web site has seen a 20 percent decline in customers, about 1,000 of whom pay $19.99 a month to watch the 22-year-old perform online. Presley said the downturn has forced her to cut overhead. "I’ve got to stop paying guys and girls to perform with, and I’ve got to find other Web site proprietors to do a content exchange with," Presley said matter-of-factly.

Instead of paying co-stars, she is posting their videos on her site and they’re posting her content on theirs. “I know companies are reducing their rates,” Presley said. “Instead of paying a girl $2,000 for a boy-girl f**k scene, now they’re trying to pay $1,200.” Presley said she has refused to work for less and so far has not lost business. “I stand up for myself,” she said. “A lot of girls, the business is so slow, they’re happy just to find work at any price.”

(An argument between the recently appointed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill occurred when the former President was asked to comment on Presley's comments. "They're paying $1200 for that?" he said. "Hell, if they asked me, I'd do it for nothing!")


One press release stated, "Adult DVD sales and rentals have decreased by 22 percent in the past year, as viewers seek free porn online. This industry is not immune from the dragging economy. People are spending less money, period."

(An interesting thought - a dilemma maybe - Is it better that bailout dollars go to the porn industry instead of to the greedy bankers who created the mess in the first place? Either way, somebody's going to get screwed!)

I personally have nothing against pornography. I don't frequent porn sites on the web or watch XXX-movies, but it should be available to those who want it. Most of us could do without the porn e-mail spam and porn pop-up ads. The porn industry doesn't need to spam - those who want it, will find it.

As for Washington even listening to Flynt and Francis, I think they should send them over to the "Bird Sanctuary" for their answer.

(The Bird Sanctuary cartoon above actually appeared on the cover of another Larry Flynt publication, "Hustler Humor.")

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