Economic Preparation-H

I'm tired of hearing about the recession...

I'm tired of talking about six more weeks of winter...

I'm ready for some inflation talk!


Which Came First, the Chicken or the Rooster?
John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets’, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records,and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, So he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone,so he could tell from a distance,which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.

He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet surprise as well.

It's a Beer Market
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, You would have had $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg.

The State of the Japanese Economy
According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it’s getting worse.

Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and it is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Banks: Customer Service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

The Economy - Personified
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."

The friend asks, "How so?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"

Some Economic One-Liners
"Futures are UP on Mason jars and shovels."

"My credit's so bad, they won't even take my cash."

"How can you tell if a politician is lying about the economy? His lips are moving."

Freddie and Fannie sitting in a tree S-p-e-n-d-i-n-g.
№ 1603