Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Once Upon a Faerie Tale

Cinderella

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmothers wouldn't let her.

Cinderella was sitting and crying in the garden, when all of a sudden her fairy godmother appeared. She promised to provide Cinderella with everything she would need to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm," she instructed.

Cinderella agreed saying, "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agreed to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour came and went, and Cinderella didn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella returned, looking love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demanded the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..."

Pinnochio

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.

Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.

You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."

M-i-c-k-e-y

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f***ing Goofy."

The Nose Knows

The Blue Fairy watched Pinocchio dancing around In Gepetto's workshop after she had brought him to life. Feeling a little randy, she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

An Obituary

Captain Hook died from jock itch.

Curly

There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Mary's Lamb

Mary had a little ram,
Its fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The ram was sure to go.

It followed her to bed one day...
Now Mary has a little lamb.


That Hubbard Woman

Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone.

When she bent over, Rover drove her,

Rover had a bone of his own.

1645

3 comments:

Hale McKay said...

I know. These are old. Nothing original wanted to pop out of my head tonight.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Peter, Peter, something or other... Bwahahahahaha. Now that's my type of guy.

Have a terrific day. :)

Christina said...

LOL at Peter Peter something or other...