A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
THERE IS A MOUNTAIN WITH A BROTHEL ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN. THERE IS ONE MAN GOING UP THE MOUNTAIN, ANOTHER HALF WAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, AND THE THIRD INSIDE THE BROTHEL. WHAT ARE THEIR NATIONALITIES?
THE GUY GOING UP THE MOUNTAIN IS RUSSIAN, THE GUY COMING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN IS FINNISH, AND THE GUY INSIDE THE BROTHEL IS HIMALAYAN!
A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God,that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:
"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:
"KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
A young woman was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons,didn't want her grandmother to know. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes,
including the young woman.
The police had the all the prostitutes line up in a straight line on the sidewalk, just as grandma was passing by. As soon as she noticed her granddaughter, she stopped
and asked her what she was lining up for.
Not wanting her grandmother to know the truth, the granddaughter told grandma that someone was passing out free oranges and she was lining up for some.
"That sounds good. I think I'll have some too," Grandma said, as she made her way to the back of the line.
A policeman went down the line, questioning all the prostitutes, until he reached grandma. Looking very bewildered, he said to her, "You're so old, how do you
"It's easy," replied Grandma. "I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!"
A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there to... have a good time."
The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father insists that he's too young.
Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's" to "have a good time", not knowing the little boy is following them. After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he wants to have a good time. She's a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted lady she gives him three doughnuts and tells him to leave.
Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried. His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.
"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.
"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"
"I managed the first two without any problem, but I just icked the last."
A guy is given 6 weeks to live, so he figures to live it up every minute. One hot night he goes to a whore house in Vegas, and because it is such a hot night, he asks the girl if she'd mind doing it outside on the roof where it's cooler.
She agrees and while they're going at it, the guy croaks and falls off the roof taking the girl with him. A passing drunk sees them fall and goes racing up to the door and starts banging on it.
The madam opens the door, takes one look at the drunk and says, "I'm sorry, I can't let you in, you're too drunk."
"Hell," says the drunk, "I didn't want to come in, I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down."
A guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they go to a house of ill repute to round off the festivities.
A week later he visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his penis. The doctor performs a thorough inspection and then pulls down a weighty medical book from the shelf and flicks through the pages, eventually finding a reference.
"I'm afraid this is quite serious and we have to operate!"
"Why, Doc, what's the problem?"
"Well you know how boxers can develop a cauliflower ear?"
"Well you've got a brothel sprout."
A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight, and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with 2 doors reading "Over 35" and "Under 35."
He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said "Over 35." He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with 2 doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."
Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with 2 more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night."
Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is, "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."