Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Blogs Will Never Harm Me

Don't act stupid. That's what politicians are for!

Nobody notices what I do, until I don't do it.
What if I don't WANT to press '1' for English?

I don't need sex.
The government screws
me everyday!
If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.
Alcohol is the answer. I just can't remember the question!
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame.

I don't mind going to work. It's that 8-hour wait to go home that sucks.
I'd Rather Be A Smart Ass Than A Dumb Shit!
Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say, SCREW them!
For my next trick, I will need a condom and a volunteer.
I'd tell you to go HELL, but I work there and I don't want to see you everyday.
Years ago, I stumbled onto the great taste of beer. I've been stumbling ever since.

I'm in my own little world, but it's okay. They know me here.

I try to keep the coffee buzz going until the alcohol buzz kicks in.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
I follow my dreams ... Except the one where I'm naked in church.
A penny for your thoughts - A dollar if you flash me!
Believe it or not, I'm the NORMAL one in my family.
№ 1832