It came to my 'tenshun that last Saturday this here Blog had a hit what made the site counter go to 350,000! Iffin y'all don't believe me, I done took the liberty to copy and paste what wuz on the counter page. This wuz what wuz there:
350,000! That's almost as many hits what my ol' lady's done walloped me wiffin her cast iron fryin' pan!
Your counter was created on January 31, 2007 at 12:51 am CST with a starting count of 44777. You currently have your counter set to increment on All Hits.
Total Hits: 350000
Hits Today (so far): 162
Hits Since Start: 305223
Average Daily Hits Since Start: 285.91
I wuz a-gonna give that good ol' boy a slap on the back for 'chievin' all them hits. Then I got to thinkin'. Why would that many people come to this site fer? Well, they wuzn't a-comin' here to read his'n stuff.
They wuz a comin' fer my stuff. I'm a reg'lar contra-beauter at this here site. That number got so high, coz them people wuz a droppin' in to see iffin I made any contra-beautshuns lately.
I reckon I'll contra-boot somethin' from my Redneck Dickshunary. One cain't be learnin' enuff new words. I didn't make it to the 9th grade by the time I wuz turned 22 years old, wiff out learnin' at least one new word every s'mester.
Fast food - the rabbit that got away
Bipolar - when those big white bears go either way
Eskimo Pie - what an Aleutian leaves behind when a bipolar bear winks at him
Superbowl - what you might need if you order super size at Chili-rama
Calligraphy - life story of the Roman emperor Caligula
Retrofitting - trying to get an ass too big into jeans too small
One size fits all - false claim by manufacturer that leads to retrofitting
Circumspect - look to see if anything is left after being circumcised
Subdued - a sailor on one of them boats that go underwater
Promenade - spiked punch at a school dance
Conjugal visit - when a woman visits her man in prison and they sit together and conjugate verbs
Scrutinize - undress a woman with one's eyes
Election - what oriental man gets when he scrutinizes
Titular - kind of scrutinizing that gives man an election
Dictator - what Mr. Potato Head becomes when he scrutinizes
Tandem - what happened when she sunbathed topless
Kumquat - meaning unknown, but it sounds dirty - don't it?
Limpid - a man's deflated ego