Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Hit Me With All You've Got!

Yup it's me, Cletus Clyde. I up and snuck in here on Hale's site fer a look see.

It came to my 'tenshun that last Saturday this here Blog had a hit what made the site counter go to 350,000! Iffin y'all don't believe me, I done took the liberty to copy and paste what wuz on the counter page. This wuz what wuz there:

Your counter was created on January 31, 2007 at 12:51 am CST with a starting count of 44777. You currently have your counter set to increment on All Hits.

Total Hits: 350000
Hits Today (so far): 162
Hits Since Start: 305223
Average Daily Hits Since Start: 285.91
350,000! That's almost as many hits what my ol' lady's done walloped me wiffin her cast iron fryin' pan!

I wuz a-gonna give that good ol' boy a slap on the back for 'chievin' all them hits. Then I got to thinkin'. Why would that many people come to this site fer? Well, they wuzn't a-comin' here to read his'n stuff.

They wuz a comin' fer my stuff. I'm a reg'lar contra-beauter at this here site. That number got so high, coz them people wuz a droppin' in to see iffin I made any contra-beautshuns lately.

I reckon I'll contra-boot somethin' from my Redneck Dickshunary. One cain't be learnin' enuff new words. I didn't make it to the 9th grade by the time I wuz turned 22 years old, wiff out learnin' at least one new word every s'mester.

Experts Frum the Redneck Dickshunary

Fast food - the rabbit that got away

Bipolar - when those big white bears go either way

Eskimo Pie - what an Aleutian leaves behind when a bipolar bear winks at him

Superbowl - what you might need if you order super size at Chili-rama

Calligraphy - life story of the Roman emperor Caligula

Retrofitting - trying to get an ass too big into jeans too small

One size fits all - false claim by manufacturer that leads to retrofitting

Circumspect - look to see if anything is left after being circumcised

Subdued - a sailor on one of them boats that go underwater

Promenade - spiked punch at a school dance

Conjugal visit - when a woman visits her man in prison and they sit together and conjugate verbs

Scrutinize - undress a woman with one's eyes

Election - what oriental man gets when he scrutinizes

Titular - kind of scrutinizing that gives man an election

Dictator - what Mr. Potato Head becomes when he scrutinizes

Tandem - what happened when she sunbathed topless

Kumquat - meaning unknown, but it sounds dirty - don't it?

Limpid - a man's deflated ego

№ 1881


Sandee said...

Congrats on your count. Awesome.

I love the Redneck Dickshunary. They all make perfect sense to me.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


The Redneck Dickshunary is a fun project.