Saturday, January 02, 2010

A New Year's Random Start

The Best Tee Time

Four co-workers always golfed as a group at 7 A.M. every Sunday.

Unfortunately, one of them was transferred out of town, so they began talking about how they would fill out the foursome.

A woman standing nearby said, “Hey, I like to golf. May I join the group?”

They were hesitant, but invited her to play a round, after which they would decide whether to bring her in permanently.

They all agreed and she said, “Good, I’ll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.”
She showed up right at 6:30, and playing right-handed wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round.

The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round.

The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, “OK, I’ll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.”

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed and matched her 7-under-par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed and they asked her to join the group for keeps.

They had a beer after their round and one of the guys asked her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

She said, “That’s easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his manhood is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed. If it’s pointing to the left, I golf left-handed.”

Another member of the group asked, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”

She replied, “Then I’ll be here at 6:45.”

Urkel-bama-nomics -->

Resolutions 4 Computer Users

1. I will try to figure out why I "really" need 12 e-mail addresses.

2. I will stop sending e-mail to my husband (wife). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated

3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

5. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

6. I resolve to back up my 12 GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least once a year.

7. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

8. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.

9. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

10. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

11. I will think of a password other than "password."

12. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

<-- Victoria's Secret New Competition?

New Year's Football

As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."

Are They Hiring? -->

New Year's Wish

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.

<-- Would someone buy her a drink before I get the wrong idea?

Lecture Tour

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

Will this candy leave a bad taste? -->

A Strip Video With a Twist

Here's a strip video that both the guys and the gals will like. By design the video stops and you have to click the play button for it to continue. You'll have to do this more than once, but don't be discouraged. It will play to the end to a satisfying if not funny conclusion.

Click here for Strip Video

Yes guys, I wanted to punch his lights out too!



Skunkfeathers said...

Decisions, her a drink, and/or take her to Victoria Secret's competition... ;) Happy New Year!

Sandee said...

Loved the woman golfer one. Now that's planning if you ask me.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


Yes .. an onerous decision. Flip a coin?

And a Happy New Year to you.

Hale McKay said...


Yes, the woman has it all worked out down the smallest detail.