Twisted Olympics

I've long wondered why "Curling" is called a sport, and why it is included as a Winter Olympic event.

Of course, I've often felt the same about Figure Skating! It's entertaining, and for some pretty, but it's a skill event and NOT a sport.

Now, I'm forced to ask, why is "Ice Dancing" a Winter Olympic Games event? It most certainly is NOT a sport! ... And what was with those silly costumes? I thought they were having a rodeo in the skating arena!

What ever happened to "Barrel Jumping"?

Why not have "Synchronized Swimming" in holes cut into the ice?

What's with this "Biathalon" thing? In those Eurpoean countries, do they actually go skiing with a gun? Is it protection from a bunny rabbit they might run into while on the ski trail? I mean, if it's going to attack you, why not bash it with your ski poles?

I have an idea. Why not have skiers race on the trail, and instead of shooting at targets, they lie on the ground and make snow angels? They could combine their time with the artistry of their angel impressions in the snow to determine the medal winners.

Olympic Parent
It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a loser who prefers to lay on the couch all day and watch TV, while Mom goes off to work to support us."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true what he had said about his father.

He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad is an Ice Dancer for Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Why not have a Snowman building event? The contestants could be judged on the height and the circumferences of the head, chest and lower torsos.

That Biathalon thing ... Instead of stopping to shoot guns at a stationary target, why not have the Olympians try to knock a hat off someone with snowballs?

While on the subject of snowballs ... why not have a winterized version of "Dodge Ball", where teams try to hit each other with snowballs until only one player is left.

A great idea for Winter Olympic team competition could be contested by contractors building igloos!

Ski Jumping is interesting to watch. But why not have an event where the jumpers ski off the edge of a high cliff wearing a parachute. The jumpers could be awarded medals based on how close they come to landing in a three-foot circle below the cliff.

Here's an interesting Winter Olympic event: "Nude Cross Country Skiing." The contestants, wearing nothing but their boots and skis race over a course to be the the first to build a fire at the finish line to warm themselves and thus keep from freezing to death.

"Heads-of-State Pairs Skating"
... The thrill of victory ... the agony of defeat ...

№ 1918