Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Breath of Hot Air

(I received the following Obama gag in an e-mail from my brother Rick:)

In the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten sign
posted over one of those hot air hand dryers:

"Please push button and listen for
a short message from the President!"

There's nothing like "hot air" and the smell of
fresh crap to give you that true Obama presence!!!!

An Observation

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

Tooting Her Own Horn

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."

"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."

Those Long Nights

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and then the next morning found out that she was six months pregnant.

It's Good For What Ails You

A man wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"Just giving you an aspirin for your headache," the man answered.

"But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back.

"Good then, let's have sex!" beamed the man.

All of a sudden, the wife smacked her husband. The husband was totally dumbfounded and asked, "What was that for?"

His wife said, "Because, you are an awful lover".

A couple of minutes later, the husband smacked his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, "And may I ask what that was all about?"

The husband said, " Simple, that's for knowing the difference."

A Tenderfoot in the Old West

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady.

The city slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job."

The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot.

The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"

Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!"

Little Rascals: One Day In School

Many readers will remember the Little Rascals (also called Our Gang). The old comedy shorts are still alive and well in reruns. Like kids today, they too had to attend school. In their classroom you might expect to find Spanky, Alfalfa, Darla and Buckwheat among others.

While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?

Darla raised her hand and says "I can, I can."

The teacher replied, "OK, go ahead Darla..."

Darla answered, "D-U-M-B."

The teacher remarked, "Very good,and can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla replied, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."

The teacher noted, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"

Again, Darla raised her hand, and the teacher called on her, "OK, go ahead Darla."

Darla replied, "S-T-U-P-I-D."

The teacher replied "Very good, and can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla stated, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."

The teacher replied, "OK, well let's continue. Can anyone spell the word DICTATE?" No one raised their hand, so the teacher pointed to Buckwheat and asked if he could spell the word DICTATE?

Buckwheat replied, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E."

The teacher replied, "Very good, Buckwheat. Can you use that word in a sentence?"

Buckwheat beamed proudly, "Sure I can. I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla say my DICTATE good."



Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. That last one had me spewing water all over my monitor. I know better than to read your blog and drink water at the same time. I really do.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


It's especially funny when you remember the Little Rascals - especially Buckwheat.