Saturday, March 06, 2010

You Don't Know Jack Schitt!

Who makes up this schitt anyway? The following schitt has been making its rounds on the web for some time. I decided to resurrect this schitt with a few schitty edits of my own. Hey! I had to find some schitt to post today!

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says to them, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Just who is Jack Schitt anyway? The genealogy has finally been traced. When you read the following, you too can proudly say, "Yes, I do know Jack Schitt!"
Jack Schitt was the oldest child of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the heir of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. Their union also produced a very talkative daughter, Lotta.
Lotta would marry Dick Hedd, the headline of the nuptials reading: "Schitt-Head." Their children were Bigg and Hott.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a High School drop out. They begot Bagga Schitt.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as, Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda and they produced a nervous son, Chick N. Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and, subsequently married the Happens Brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement headline in the newspaper read: "The Schitt-Happens Wedding." The Schitt-Happens' children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Lotta Schitt recently announced the engagement of their daughter Hott to the son of the Howse family. The newspaper announcement read: "Schitt-Howse To Be Married in June."
So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them and say, "Oh yes I do!"
Yep, now you really know your schitt!
-(Family History Recorded By Crock O.Schitt)
№ 1929


Mike Golch said...

Oh this is fantanstic.I love it.

Hale McKay said...


Glad you like it. It is a classic.

Jack K. said...

Oh, yes I do!!!

Thanks for the reminder.

Hale McKay said...


Yes, I'm sure you know your schitt!