Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Blonde Bombs Away!

(Here's a few Blonde jokes for those who like them. If you are blonde, I typed them slow because I know you can't read fast.)

A blonde in a sports car is speeding along the highway when suddenly she
notices she is being pursued by the police. She pulls over and out of the police
car steps a blonde police woman. The officer approaches the car and says,
"Do you know how fast you were going? I need to see your license."
The blonde in the car begins looking in her purse but quickly realizes
she does not know what she is looking for.
She asks the officer, "What does a driver's license look like?"
The officer replies.'It is small, rectangular, and has your picture on it."
The blonde driver quickly finds a small rectangular make-up mirror, looks into it,
then hands it to the blonde officer.
The officer takes it, looks into it, then hands it back to the driver and says,
"Sorry...I wouldn't have stopped you if I knew you were a cop!"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian bragged, "We were the first in space!" The American retorted,
"We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said,
"So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American
looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you fool.
You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,
you know. We're going at night!"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks her very nicely if he could
see her license. Huffily, she replied, "I wish you guys would make up your mind.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect
me to show it to you!"

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
"Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into a tiger," he takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed,..."Let's
put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole staring up at the top.
A blond woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba,
"but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the
pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement,
announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
"We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."
Junior shook his head and laughed, "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde?"

A blonde and a brunette were in the lunchroom at work one day, when the
blonde said "Whats that?" to the brunette. The brunette said it was a thermos.
The blonde asked what do you use it for? The brunette said "It keeps hot things
hot and cold things cold."
A couple of days later they met in the lunchroom
again and the blonde had a thermos. The brunette asked what she had in it
and the blonde said, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
Last year's hide-and-seek winner!


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