Saturday, December 17, 2005

Merry, Merry Quite Contrary

It's going to be a less than merry Christmas this year, I'm afraid. I'll not be spreading much Christmas cheer. I'll probably not have much of it anyway. There will be no Christmas carols. You know what? There just might not be a Christmas!

I'm getting nothing for Christmas this time around. I doubt the stockings will even be hung in the first place. I haven't received a single Christmas card to date. I haven't sent any either. I have even begun to wonder if I might be might offend, for not once has anybody said, "Merry Christmas" to me. I haven't been invited to a single Christmas party.

The gang over there sure look like they are having a great time.

It has saddened me now that I have come to the realization that we will probably not have a Christmas tree this year. We have not put up the Christmas decorations and there are no Christmas lights visible on the outside of our house. I haven't bothered to take them out the boxes.

I've decided that I am not going to buy any Christmas gifts. I won't waste the postage to send out Christmas cards in the mail. There will be no Christmas pageants and no Christmas parades. There'll be no Christmas specials on television to entertain us.

Hold the phone! Before I am labeled a Scrooge or a Grinch, none of this is of my own choosing. None of this lack of Christmas spirit is due to my own resolve. No, I am just another bitter and angry victim of a lifestyle I did not subscribe to or solicit. You need to look no farther that at the PCCP, the Politically Correct Communist Party. Remember the McCarthy Commie witch hunt? Maybe it should be resurrected. Once a grass roots collection of miscreants looking for attention in their pathetic lives, the Party has evolved into a collection of miscreants who want to run and ruin the lives of normal people.

You see, because of their amoebic impact on the world, they have chosen to launch a meteoric assault upon the rest of us. Sadly, any resistance we offer is viewed as an affront upon their rights. Hear them cry, "Foul! Resisting conformity to our views!"

Oh, I will be spreading cheer this year. The stockings will be hung. The tree is already up. Decorations are on display. There are lights outside. I am sending out cards - some have already been mailed. I have bought gifts and will be buying more.

I will not conform. I've taken my stand. Happy Holiday! Holiday Tree! What a bunch of clap trap! Merry Christmas!! Ho-Ho-Ho!!

Joke Time: The young shapely widow of an old rancher had received everything. Needing help to run the ranch, she decided to advertise for a ranch hand. Only three men applied for the job. One man was gay, a second was a drunk and the third was a handsome chiseled stud. She thought about who she should hire long and hard. In the end, she hired the gay man. Obviously the drunk was not one she could trust to get the job done. The handsome stud, while possessing all the attributes a woman would want in a man, would be more of a distraction she decided.
....Knowing the gay guy would be safer to have around and not a distraction to her mourning, he turned out to be a tireless worker. He knew more about ranching than all of the other hands. She decided to reward him for his hard work and let him have a night off to go into town for some fun.
....Late into the evening he returned from town to the ranch house. Halfway to his room, he saw the woman standing beside the fireplace, a glass of wine in her hand. She called him over.
....Setting her wine on the mantle she faced him. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she ordered. Trembling, he did so. "Now take off my boots," she said. "Now my stockings." The hired man continued to comply. "Now take off my skirt." He unzipped it and let it fall to the floor. "Now take off my bra." Again he did as he was told. "Now take off my panties." He slowly pulled them off.
....She fixed him with a determined gaze and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"



jules said...

I'm working on your card...I'll have it in the mail on Monday.

aka_monty said...

Hey, you should've gotten my card by now!! :( I sent it out on Monday.

Hale McKay said...

Monty, I rcvd it Thursday. Yours is on the way.

Jules looking forward to rcving it - you have rcvd mine by now.