Saturday, April 15, 2006

Of BVDs and BBQs


...But first a word from our sponsor, BVD.
Hide your weapon of mass seduction in our briefs.
Fight the dating wars in comfort until you are ready to launch your missile.
...You have met the enemy and she is in your sights.

It looks like Dubya should have spent a tad more on his defense budget.

Ladies, BVD thinks of you too. There are times when you'll want your silos camouflaged. Then there are times you'll want to face friendly fire.

We now return you to the Blog in progress..

But first a public service announcement from the producer of this Blog.
....It is Spring, and across the nation people are planning outdoor cookouts. When preparing your yard there are a few things you should remember. (1) Never hang a bird feeder over your picnic table. (2) Never place unexploded fireworks on your grills. (3) If there is no breeze, set up a large fan to blow the aroma of your steaks, burgers and hotdogs in the direction of that neighbor who never invites you to his cookouts. (4) Feed your dog any "extra" meats while the same neighbor is at the fence salivating. (5) Be sure to have plenty of beer to drink in front of all the neighbors gathering at the other fences. (6) Be sure to at least feign that you are distressed from having eaten too much. (7) Yell at your dog because it didn't eat all of the food on the plate you gave it. (8) Yell at kids for not eating all the food over-flowing their plates and remind them that there are people starving in the world. (9) Play frisbee with the remaining steak. (10) Yell at the one who was "supposed" to have put up the "Open BBQ" signs around the neighborhood.

Remember these tips and have a lovely cookout folks.

Please drink in moderation, especially if you are driving. If not, have at it!

Seeing as the advertisements and public service announcements took up so much of our time, the scheduled Blog will be aired tomorrow. Stay tuned to your favorite Blog station for the very best in farts farce and satire.

No.598

4 comments:

Peter said...

Great cookout Mike, we would refer to it as a barbie.

poopie said...

I'll be sure to remember all of these when I fire it up later today.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Let me know, Mike, when you'll be having soyburgers so I can join in. I will bring my own bottled, flavored water.

aka_monty said...

I think some of my neighbors have been reading you...

:):)

But I don't mind not getting invited, because I don't like them anyway.