Sunday, June 04, 2006

Bill of Fare

A woman builds up a man's ego and let's him know he is always right - before she marries him! - 'Hagar the Horrible'

A man sweeps a woman off her feet and then gives her the broom. - Hale McKay

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Woe to the house where the hen crows and the rooster keeps still. - Spanish Proverb

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. - Duane Dewel

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not. - H.L. Mencken

On this lazy rainy day, I thought these quotes might bring out a smile or two to brighten someone's day. (I even stuck in one of my own.) The quotes above, and the "Moose" comic strip deal with marriage. The following quotes concentrate more on the single people.

Men are what their mothers made them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

At twenty a man is a peacock, at thirty a lion, at forty a camel, at fifty a serpent, at sixty a dog, at seventy an ape, at eighty, nothing at all. - Baltasar Beaudelaire

It takes all the fun out of a bracelet if you have to buy it yourself. - Peggy Joyce

A gentleman does things no gentleman would do in a way only a gentleman can. - Luigi Banzini

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

Some women blush when they are kissed; some call the police; some swear; some bite. But the worst are those who laugh. - Anonymous

The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months. - Laurence J. Peter

We are all in this together - by ourselves. - Lily Tomlin

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. that's a basic spelling that every woman should know. - Mistin Guett

I wonder, how many couples out there ever used a "Promise Board?" We did in our second year of marriage, although it wasn't quite as specific as this one. There would be the simple "Yes" or "No" written upon it. (I'll be damned if I could ever find that eraser when "No" appeared.) My father-in-law gave me this advice on our wedding day: "Every time you make love, put a lucky penny in a large jar near your bed, and once it is filled, start removing a penny every time." He told me that we would never empty the jar. We never did. (I should have used a smaller jar.)

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. - Thomas La Mance



jules said...

Unfortunately the jar thing would not have worked in my marriage, but I like the general concept.

StringMan said...

These are some funny quotes - I liked the Hale McKay original, too.

The penny jar thing reminds me: a friend I worked with in the Navy had just gotten married, and he told us that everytime he and his wife made love, they put a dime in a jar. It was customary on our overnight shifts, that one of us could go home if it was going to be a slow night. Our Chief called my friend over during one overnight shift. He placed a stack of dimes on the desk and said, "Go home and have fun with your wife." It still remains the funniest and best thing I ever saw. This guy and I are still good friends and we still reference "the dimes" now and again.

jj said...

I have given up on men! I'm going lesbian!

Hale McKay said...

Jill, was it something I said?

Karen said...

It was a beautiful *un-rainy* day here!

penny jar, hmmmmmmmmmmmm, have to think about that one.

Peter said...

Loved 'em Mike, specialy yours.

aka_monty said...

I'm looking for a camel. Maybe even a serpent.