Friday, June 02, 2006

Here's Little Johnny!

I think all of us have heard of Little Johnny. We all probably knew a Little Johnny in one of our classes in school. Remember? He was usually the one who sat at the back of the class. He always had his hand raised to answer the teacher's question. The teacher was always reluctant to call on him.
....You just knew, just as the teacher knew, little Johnny was going to say something outlandish. Invariably his answers would be something unfit for the ears of his classmates. Come to think of it, many of his answers were inappropriate for adult ears.

....(Click on the image at the left and then click on the arrow box to enlarge the image. It is classic Little Johnny at his best.)
Little Johnny and the Anatomy Lesson
Little Johnny's mother, tired of all his questions, decided to give her son an anatomy lesson. She took of all her clothes and stood in front of him. She pointed to her vagina and said, "Johnny, this is where you came from."
....Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as 'Lucky Johnny.'
...."Why?" asked one of his friends.
....Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd!"
Little Johnny Going to the Bathroom
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I have to take a piss!"
....Horrified, the teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that's NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word is 'urinate.' Please use 'urinate' correctly in a sentence, and Ii will allow you to go."
....Little Johnny thinks for a bit and then says, "Urinate, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten."
Warning! The last one is ... nasty.

Little Johnny and the Blizzard
As a weekend assignment, Little Johnny's teacher wrote on the blackboard, the word 'contagious,' and told the class she wanted them to write a sentence using that word correctly.
...Inspite of a weekend blizzard, school was open the following Monday as usual. The teacher asked the students one by one to read their sentences to the class.
...Little Mary read, "The flu is very contagious."
..."Good, Mary," said the teacher as little Jimmy stood up and read his, "The laughter was contagious when the man told his joke."
..."Excellent, Jimmy," said the teacher.
...So it went through the remaining students until it was little Johnny's turn.
..."You know my daddy hurt his back and is out of work," Johnny began. "Well, it snowed a lot this weekend."
...The teacher frowned and said to him, "Johnny, I'm sorry that your Dad hurt his back. We all know it snowed, but could you please give us your sentence?"
..."Well," Johnny continued, "My daddy hurt his back so bad that my mom had to shovel all the snow in the driveway and on the sidewalk."
...Getting impatient, the teacher said to him, "The snow had to be shoveled. Your mother had to help out because your father was unable to shovel. Forget the snow, read your sentence to the class."
...Undaunted Johnny went on, "Well mommy said she couldn't make breakfast until she was finished shoveling the snow." He looked up to see that the teacher was getting mad at him. "Well daddy kept pacing back and forth looking out the window to see how she was doing."
..."JOHNNY!" she yelled. "We want to hear your sentence. Spares us the details about your mother shoveling the snow."
..."Well finally the last time he went to the window, daddy said, 'Is it going to take that contagious to finish out there?"
Don't you just love Little Johnny? (I have a confession. In school, I was Little Johnny. I know, I know, you are in shock. You can't believe that such a sweet and unassuming guy as me could have been a 'Johnny.')


Hale McKay said...

JUdging from the lack of comments, I assume everyone was glued to the TV sets watching the National Spelling Bee.
...Say it ain't so - Anna Nicole Smith is preagnant?

jules said...

There was a spelling bee? And I missed it? I KNEW you were a Johnny. What's the female version of Johnny, cuz that would have been me...only I was a closet case.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

If there was a spelling bee, then the word is contagious.

(Ho ho har de har har.)

VERY funny, Michael.

Doug Bagley said...

I'm afraid I pulled a few "little johnny's" in my day, LOL. And then I became a teacher...for a very, very short while.

Cheri said...

I knew there was another side to you...not such an innocent one..hmmm..Litle Johnny huh?!

These were hysterical!

Hale McKay said...

LOL, Hoss. I missed that. I corrected it to "contagious."
Hoss 1
Mike 0

Miss Cellania said...

I believe you, I bet you made a good lil Johnny.

Peter said...

Hi Johnny.