Thursday, October 05, 2006

Congressional Party

We're all invited to a party! Congress has set aside $20 million to commemorate success in Iraq and Afghanistan. Say what? What success?
....Have I been a coma for the past year or so? Did I miss the headlines announcing that the WMD were found? I remember neither reading nor seeing any news that al-Qaida or any of the insurgents have laid down their weapons and ceased all hostilities.
....Am I to understand that all of those daily reports and images of our troops coming home in body bags have been falsified? I don't recall hearing that Osama bin Laden had been captured or killed.
....Meanwhile, the Senate is up in arms over the appropriation of these funds. I guess the Senators are on the same page as me, either that or we've been stranded on the same island with the survivors of the Minnow. It appears our Congressmen, on the other hand, are seeing the glass as half full. They have tinted their rose-colored glasses in the shade of the U.S. dollar. They don't see what all the fuss is about. They justified the bill by stating that its passage was unanimous.

Unanimous as in "YOU-namimous?" I feel safe in surmising that you didn't vote for it. I'm relatively certain that it wasn't "We-nanomous" either. Under no circumstances was it "ME-nanimous!"

Well, well ... since the party is a go, 20 million dollars can go a long way toward a successful bash. All I want to know is who is going to be put in charge of refreshments and entertainment? Everyone knows that a good party must have plenty of cold kegs on hand.
....I want to see a good spread when it comes to the hors d'oeuvres. So please, forgo the bait! In a word, ixnay the sushi. When I arm myself with one of those cellophane-tipped toothpicks to go gigging for a bite to eat, I hope that both the bacon and the scallops are completely cooked for a change.

I just had a thought! (Yeah, yeah accidents happen!) Why not take that 20 million dollars and apply some of it to a few apparently less important things? Maybe I'm out of line, or maybe I'm clueless as to the inner workings of our government, but I'm just tossing out possible viable alternatives to a gala event.
....Bear with me, oh wise sages of the Congress, but could even a small portion of those dollars be used for health benefits for the poor? Don't like that idea? Then I guess funneling some of the dough to the Katrina victims would be out of the question. That means that education loses out too, right?

Like a bolt of lightning out of the blue, I've just had the mother of all epiphanies! I have to learn to think like a politician, especially a Senator.
....My open hand is extended. Put it there! Hold it, Teddy, I don't want to shake your hand. You know full well the international sign of payola is an open palm. It's my Jerry McGwire moment, pal. Show me the money and I'll delete this post right now!

Well folks, it turns out that ol' Teddy flips nickles like they were manhole covers. I didn't get a red dime! So, on with the show - the post is getting published!



Peter said...

Nice to see you took yesterdays critique to heart Mike, a fine effort indeed, even if your try at payola wasn't successful

Miss Cellania said...

$20 mill could buy a fair amount of body armor. Or prosthetic limbs, take your pick.

jules said...

I'd be willing to be the stripper at the big party. I need some extra cash right now.

Nankin said...

Hey, I'll give you a penny for your thoughts. Of course now you can't even buy a piece of penny candy.

blue said...

Hey, they new blog has quite a different look! I need to get back in and start regular posting, but the usual mix of puter probs, work, and health have all reared thier ugly heads as of late. All is getting back to normal though and I hope to be back in regularly again. And keep up the posting.