Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A Day In The Life

It's a stressed-out-hurry-up-and-do-it-right-now kind of world we live in today. Sometimes it seems one can't do enough fast enough. When do you want it? Yesterday? Do the acronyms ASAP, PDQ and RFN ring a bell?

I got to thinking about my typical day of work. As a rule, I don't usually give it much of a thought because my days have become so routine. For laughs, I decided to document one typical day - a day in my life.

(All references to body functions will be omitted out of respect to any minors who might stumble onto this post.)

At 6 am this morning, I was awakened by the automatic alarm clock/radio. Taking a deep breath I caught the wafting aroma of coffee that had begun to brew in our automatic Mr. Coffee maker. I glanced at my watch and noted that the timer would be activating the toaster which had been preloaded with two slices of bread the night before.
....With a cup of coffee in one hand and a small plate of buttered and jellied toast in the other, I made my way into the living room. I picked up the TV remote, turned on the set, and clicked to the local news channel. On my job I need to know the weather forecast and the traffic conditions.
....After breakfast I performed the daily ritual of a shave, a shower and a sh....oops! (I almost forgot that body functions were to be omitted.) I got dressed and picked up my remote engine starter and clicked it at the kitchen window. I was rewarded for my efforts with the sound of my truck starting. Next I clicked on the remote on my key ring which engages the automatic garage door opener. As I approached the drivers side of my truck, a click of the other remote unlocked the truck's doors. Finally, out of the garage, another click of a remote closed the garage doors.
....It was 8:30 am by the time I had pulled into the drive-up ATM to withdraw some cash for the day. While I was at it, I transferred some funds from savings to checking and paid the Electric bill. (Someday, perhaps they'll think of a way to streamline banking.) About a half mile down the street I stopped at the drive-up of Dunkin' Donuts for my second cup of coffee of the day.
....Before I hit the highway, I had to make one more stop for some gas, as I was down to a quarter of a tank. After swiping a card in the reader to enable the pump I watched the numbers spin like the wheels on one of those slot machines. My bank account was charged the amount of $22.50 and a printed receipt was deposited into my hand.
....As I approached the toll booth on the turnpike the automatic beacon on my dash recorded a hit against my pre-paid account. I was cruising along toward the residence of my first client and I finally had a moment to reflect. No wonder we are stressed out all the time. With all the inventions and technology available today, you would think that our lives would be less strained and hectic.

My first client, Mrs. H., wanted me to pick up a few groceries at the supermarket and a prescription at the pharmacy. I walked into the store through the automatic doors and walked over to a "auto-shopper station." This particular store was one of a few select locations that was testing the new system. You simply click on images of the products you wish to purchase and hit enter. Using either a credit or bank ATM card your purchases are charged. At the moment, the system could only be used for five or less items. Minutes later a clerk showed up with my items already bagged.
....Then I was off to the pharmacy across the lot. I went to the drive-up window, picked up the prescription, paid for it and was on my way.
....After completing my duties for the next two clients who only required some light house cleaning, my stomach automatically signaled me that it was almost noon. Because of all the hustle and bustle of the day at that point, I decided fast food du jour was in order. In the drive-up lane at McDonalds I ordered, paid for and picked up a Big Mac, a small order of fries and a vanilla milk shake.
....The next two clients also wanted only a little bit of cleaning done for them. My last chore of the day was to deliver a package of paperwork to a lawyer's office for a house-bound elderly man. The law firm was on the fourth floor of an office building in that town's center. I passed through a set of automatic doors and took an express elevator to the office.
....By the time I pulled into my driveway, activated the garage door opener, clicked the remote to lock the truck's door, and clicked the garage shut, I ambled my way to the house.

At long last, shoes off and slippers on, I settled back into my Lazy Boy and reached for the TV remote. Where my day had begun, it had come to an end. I reflected on the stress I had endured on that long day at work. I mused that one day, maybe my grand children will have an easier life. Maybe they'll have technology in existence then that will improve the quality of their lives. I wonder if my grand parents had those same thoughts?
....Suddenly my cell phone began to play the theme to Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was my wife asking me if I had remembered to pick up the milk and a loaf of bread on the way home. I hadn't. (See what I mean about stress?)

You know, I did think of at least one thing that could have made the kind of day I'd had better. If only I had one of those Star Trek teleporters to whisk me from the house to the truck and vice versa! There's gotta be a better way!



Peter said...

Sorry Mike, I'm gonna automatically reject this post, hope you can do better next time.

jules said...

I'll trade jobs with you. I NEVER get to sit down, wipe butts and snotty noses and get reamed out by parents on a regular basis. I'd love to have a teleporter...or a freaking ray gun to burn them to ashes.

Christina said...

wow, i thought my daily routine was hectic. how do you do it?

wazza said...

Hey Mike I automatically had to click
onto your blog to automatically read what I automatically knew you were gonna say. Now I automatically had to leave a comment before I automatically click onto and post.
Ah hell I bet you automatically knew I was gonna do that anyway.