Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Snakes On A Blog

Before you start reading about "Snakes On A Blog," have yourself a laugh first by checking out this link. (It is adult material, so consider yourself warned.)

It's that time of year when snakes crawl out from under their rocks. It's campaign time! (This should not be confused with Howdy Doody Time, even if you consider yourself part of the Peanut Gallery known as the public.) As the snakes slither forth into the public eye, they are armed with venomous rhetoric.
....For the past several months they been amassing their supplies of "mud pies." Sadly, most of our politicians are fork-tongued mudslingers. (Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.)
....Many of them have no platforms based upon their own accomplishments, but rather attack their opponents instead. If they make their competition look bad they can "steal" some votes. As a result, both sides come out firing full salvos at the other. (It's Deja Moo - that feeling that you've heard the bullshit before.)
....Taxachussets, aka Massachusetts, has had more than its fair share of these serpentine politicians. After all, it is this state that has produced such belly-crawlers as the Kennedys.
....The hot race in Massachusetts is that for the office of Governor. With current Governor Mitt Romney thought to be considering a run at the White House in 2008, his office has been hotly contested. With the primaries out the way, it has been narrowed down to the current Lt. Governor Kerry Healy and her Democratic challenger, Deval Patrick.
.... (Let the mudslinging beging!)

I have found myself mused by Healy's recent tactics. You can almost hear the hiss in her voice when she introduced us to her "stage props." She has been rolling out electronic tote boards. They aren't counting money. The two opponents slant on taxes diverge. She pomises to cut taxes because the people of Massachusetts are paying too much as it is. (Hear! Hear!) He admits that taxes may have to be increased into order to maintain a balanced budget. (A classic oxymoron if I ever heard one.)

....First she unveiled "The Taxometer;" it's constantly changing numbers supposedly represent the taxes being paid on every item purchased to date. Her latest tote board was "The Spendometer." Now this counter is "tallying" the state's unnecessary spending. Of course, the number crunching is controlled, if not by her, but by someone in her charge.

This is where I come into the picture! I've come up with some tote board ideas of my own.

The Rhetoric-ometer - This device will feature two sets of numbers and will record all the political-speak used by each candidate. I think the voters would be interested in knowing how much banal comments and trite tired cliches are being used by each.

The Scandal-ometer - With this counter the voters will know about the scandals even before the press gets their mitts on the information.

The Paper-ometer - Does the candidate pull the toilet paper down from the top or up from the bottom?

The "R"-ometer - Do they park their cars, or do they pahk their cahs
? (Very important in Massachusetts politics.)

And last but not the least: The Bullshit-ometer - Since these devices are designed to count things, how could we not keep track of all the crap the politicians espouse.

Sic hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes! (If you can read this, you're over educated.)



Peter said...

As I read this it became abundanty clear just why you had used the introductory clip Mike.

Hale McKay said...

Funny you should say that, Peter. JUst after I published it, I thought that the introductory link was the best part of the whole thing. Oh, well. Ypu get a hit every time you step to the plate.

Hale McKay said...

You can't get a hit ... (sometimes you can't type either.)

Hale McKay said...

Miss Cellania - if you happen to drop in:

For the last three days, I have been unable to open your site - my explorer freezes up completely and i have to reboot. (I have no clue as to why)

Miss Cellania said...

OK, I'll look into that. Thanks for the heads up!

NMOTB said...

Hello, Sorry I hve not been around, I hate negleting my blog friends. Very interesting post - couldn't watch the clip though, will try later!

jules said...

The bullshitometer would have to be set with an awfully high limit, otherwise it might blow sky high, and distribute the bullshit in a nasty fallout pattern.

Jack K. said...

Is there any truth to the idea that politicians would have carnal knowledge of a bush if they thought there was a snake in it?

If so, what would PETA do?

Liked the link. Passed it on to Bog's blog.