Did you vote?
How do you vote?
Do you study the issues?Do you watch a debate?Do you vote by Party?
You honestly believe those methods work? Get with the program, voters! If you're going to take the time to vote, for goodness sake, do it right! Studying the issues, watching debates, and voting for a party are tried and tested methods of voting. They don't work, folks! Just take a look at whose ass is planted in front of the desk in the Oval Office. I certainly didn't vote Republican or Democrat.
Are you happy with your Congressmen and Senators? Well, I'm not happy with yours. I'm happy with mine though! You see, I didn't pay attention to the issues. When the debates were televised, I was watching "Animal Planet" and "TV Land."
....My approach is scientific and foolproof. Starting at the top of the ballot, I just said the magic words, heads or tails, right down the list. It works for me.
....My methods may not be satisfactory for you. That's okay, after all we do live in a Democracy. You don't like flipping a coin? Why not try rock-paper-scissors? You could cut cards; high card Republican and low Democrat. Come on folks, be creative.
....Shame on me, how could I have omitted the most dependable of all methods of choosing?
....The eenie-meenie-miney-moe method of choosing has been with us since we were little children. Think about it, how many important decisions did you make growing up that were decided in this manner?
....Perhaps coin-flipping, cutting cards, rock-paper-scissors and eenie-meenie-miney-moe are too low-tech for you. Fear not, for the greatest scientific minds have been pushing the envelope when it comes to polling devices. Myself, I'm too set in my ways to try some of these new fangled high-tech devices.
....One of the most sophisticated voting machines ever invented has hit the market just in time for the November 2nd Election Day. Remembering the debacle of the Florida chads, Fisher Price has decided it was time to target the adult consumer. Al Gore himself has stepped forth to endorse this product. When asked to test the device, President Bush could see no practical use or need for it.
....Diebold officials were quick to launch production of their own polling machine. Their product, more simplistic than Fisher Price's machine, is smaller, nearly one-third the size, and less cumbersome.
....Election officials across the country have been praising the new polling devices. They feel that since no reading or writing will be required, even college students will find the election process manageable. Since these college students will someday be released into society, it will behoove them to learn how to vote at long last.
This Blog posting has been poking fun at our election process, and in no way is its intent meant to dissuade anyone from voting. It's your right. So get out there and support your favorite candidates.
Remember, if you are facing any indecisions whatsoever, you can always flip a coin!