Monday, November 13, 2006


....What good is it? I think it should be called Moan-day! Or Mun-dane!
It is supposedly named after the Latin luna, for the moon. If that's so, then why didn't they name it Lunday? - Loon-day, now that makes sense.

I have a better idea. Let's call it Moon-day! Then we can all show up for work sansculotte! (Fr. san-koo-lot; lit. without breeches.) Dressed as such, we would have little trouble baring our backsides, thus effectively mooning the first SOB that gives us any crap! It would give new meaning to butt-ering up the boss, wouldn't it?

Think about it. Just what work actually gets done on a Monday? Consider a typical Monday at the office: (And the skills required)

09:00 AM: Arrive at work; make sure somebody sees you. (Promptness/dependability)
09:15 AM: Grab newspaper and head to bathroom. (Multitasking)
09:20 AM: Scan newspaper to be prepared for office discussions later at water cooler. (Research skills)
09:25 AM: Make grunting sounds when someone enters. They will recognize your shoes. (Accountability)
09:30 AM: Wash hands thoroughly, newsprint is noticeable. (Appearance)
09:35 AM: Back at your desk and referring to answers, fill in all puzzles in ink. (Displays confidence)
09:40 AM: Open box of No.2 pencils; sharpen contents. (Preparedness)
09:45 AM: Discretely using cell phone, dial your desk extension for the first of several times during the day. Answer phone loud enough to be heard at least three cubicles away. (Customer relations)
09:50 AM: Hang up phone after assuring the dial tone that the problem with the account has been rectified. (Problem solving skills)
09:55 AM: On way to coffee station, pass Receptionist and glance at cleavage making eye contact at same time. (Observation skills)
10:00 AM: Stop at supply department for legal pad and box of No.2 pencils. Take longest route back to desk so as to pass Receptionist again. Tell her you are expecting an important call. Compliment her on lovely pin on her lapel. Admire cleavage while her attention is diverted. (Personnel skills)
10:05 AM: Call buddy at major client. Arrange for him to place important call to you through the switchboard at a preset time. (Client interface)
10:07 AM: Place call to bookie and take the over on Monday Night Football. Call Steve in Mail Room to confirm your win in office pool. Call Accounting to request $50 from petty cash to meet client for lunch. (Social skills)
10:10 AM: Remove suit jacket, loosen tie, roll up shirt sleeves, and spread handful of documents across desk. Place several in "out-box." (Organizational skills)
10:14 AM: Grab legal pad, No.2 pencil and jacket while rushing to Board Room for scheduled 10:15 meeting, smiling at Receptionist as you pass. (Adheres to schedules)
10:16 AM: Enter Board Room rolling down shirt sleeves while trying to put on jacket. (Professional appearance)
10:17 AM: Excusing yourself and noting you were on phone with Chicago, take seat. Adjust tie and set legal pad and No.2 pencil on table. Quickly exchange acknowledgements with everyone present, including the joker trying to get the promotion to AVP for which you are vying. (Courteous demeanor)
10:20 AM: Using No.2 pencil, doodle on legal pad, giving appearance of note taking. (Attention to details)
10:25 AM: Contribute to meeting by making statements about bottom line requiring convoluted discussion among others present. (Job knowledge)
10:30 AM: When Receptionist interrupts meeting to announce you have an important client call, ignore her cleavage as she hands you message, unlike everyone else in room. (Professional discretion)
10:31 AM: Using Board Room phone, call client (your buddy) and make arrangements to meet for lunch to discuss the contract as you are in important meeting. (Dedication to job)
10:32 AM: Excused from meeting by CEO, who feels contracts with clients more important than in-house meetings, wink at the joker on the way out. (Valued employee)
10:35 AM: Promptly return call to "client" and set up an 11AM to 1PM power lunch. (Follow through)
10:40 AM: Swing by Mail Room and Accounting to pick up pool winnings and requested funds from petty cash. (Inter-office relations)
10:45 AM: Stop at Receptionist's desk. Praise her for getting message to you, and once again compliment her on that lapel pin. (Acknowledges fellow workers)
10:50 AM: At desk, begin to toss pre-sharpened No.2 pencils into ceiling panel. Having set new personal record of eight in a row to stick, make notation on calendar of feat for future reference. Remove pencils. (Record keeping)
11:00 AM: Meet "client" at an off-the-beaten-track pub. (Keeps appointments)

-1:00 PM: Call office, and while sweet talking Receptionist, inform her that due to the nature of the meeting with the client you will not be returning to the office until tomorrow. (Accountabilty is important)
-1:05 PM: Return attention to "client." (Places client before self)

The preceding schedule may not reflect your typical day at the office. It contains events that you may or may not have observed from your own co-workers. Any chauvinistic references are strictly coincidental.
....The above in no way reflects my typical Mondays. That's my story - and I'm sticking to it!

In future posts we will discuss other days of the week, like Fridays for example, and why some companies allow it to be a day of casual dress. Of particular interest: "Why is the Receptionist so popular on Casual Fridays?"
....In any event, the next day to be studied will be Wednesday.

In addition to extolling its virtues, we will explore the possible origins of how the day came to be known as Hump Day.

Some think that since Wednesdays are situated in the middle of the week, it makes the remaining days seem like they are downhill. For an in depth look, that post will feature observations from some of the employees, including that cute Receptionist.

I hope you had a wonderful Monday!



Hale McKay said...

I reiterate, That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

lime said...

loon day gets my vote...heck in french it is lundi (loondee) anyway....

Peter said...

Monday.... let me see now... thats the day after Sunday.... If you haven't retired and now have seven Sundays per week!!!

jules said...

That's more avoidance of work in two or three hours than I thought humanly possible. Too much work to avoid work.

Serena Joy said...

ROTFLMAO! I may never perceive Mondays -- er, Moon-days -- um, Loon-days -- the same again. :)

Steve said...

This is what I call a plan. Should be published in National Newspaper. (grin)

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Monday's suck booty!

But that's a nice picture at the end of the post there! Haha!

Karen said...

Comeon over and have a hug and kiss! :+)

Jack K. said...

So, here it is, early Tuesday evening, and I am finally getting around to reading your posting.

I am glad to learn of these important aspects of making a good impression. I own my own company and have only one employee, me. I will keep a very close on on me from here on out to watch for these skills.

chuckle, chuckle. snerx.

wazza said...

Gidday Mike, Waal I can see that you've "stolen" my schedule that I use on Mondays. Shame, now if the boss reads this then I'm in deep shit!!!!! Velly bloody funny.