Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Art of Pandiculation

Feeling a little less creative tonight than usual, I found myself practicing the fine art of pandiculation.
....(No, it has nothing whatsoever to do with placing a certain male extremity into a hot pan!) So please get your minds out of the gutter, although I welcome the company as it gets lonely down here at times.
....Believe it or not, pandiculation is something that each and every one of you do nearly every day, possibly several times. Although I cannot honestly say how many of you have actually fine-tuned it into an art form as I have.
....Pandiculation has been been used for centuries as the governing discipline behind Tai Chi. You may have at one time or another, observed people performing this tame form of the martial arts. When observing these people meditating, the uneducated would think that they had walked in on an audition for street mimes.
....Appearing to be suspended in molasses, participants move through a series of slow motion gestures with their arms and hands. The result is that of a stop-motion sequence of actions not unlike special effects employed by filmakers.
....The discipline I use however, is no more art than it is exercise. I tend to use the classic Superman "Up, up and away" position. With fists clenched, one arm is held tight at my side while the other is fully extended upward above my head. This is then repeated by switching the positions of the arms in a fluid motion. Pandiculation is not achieved unless the discipline is accompanied by a simultaneous yawn.
....More precisely, pandiculation is the act of stretching the body and or parts of the body while yawning. This practice is usually best achieved when one is either extremely tired or has just arisen from sleep.
....Once in the throes of pandiculation I find that profound thoughts and ideas course through the synapses of my gray matter.
....Such as:

Did you know that the number sign, "#", also called the pound sign, is actually called an octothorpe ? Or cataglottism is french kissing? Or a nicer sounding word for ear wax is cerumen ?

Then I sometimes find myself trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. I wonder:

Did the Romans refer to IVs as "fours?" If I were to write a book about failure and it didn't sell, would it be a success? Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" and not "asteroids?" How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

Either I feel the urge for some more pandiculation exercises, or I am tired and should go to bed. Zzzzzz!

No.825

5 comments:

Limey said...

i amweird enough to know what octothorps and cerumen were before readinthis. i am so delighted to now add catalogism (dang i know i've misspelled that already) and pandiculation to my catalog of bizarre vocabulary.

Serena Joy said...

Heh. Who knew?! I am totally LMAO.

Christina said...

I'm finally catching up on blogging.

I loved the Christmas Carol story!

snavylyn said...

That was great!! Thanks for the laughs. My daughter came from the other room to find out what was so funny.

BTW - I'm from Everett, MA. I was devastated when they closed Brigham's.

Peter said...

Good stuff Mike, who knew all that stuff (apart from you that is?)