Friday, December 08, 2006

Holiday Organs and Toilets

Flu Shot Substitute

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
....One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
....When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
.... "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
...."Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Don't you just love using public toilets? Have you ever been totally disgusted by public restrooms? Of course you have. We all have! So here's a little musical tribute to those throne rooms of filth.


Clean Toilet*
(Sung to the tune of "White Christmas")


I'm dreamin' of a clean toilet,
Just like the one I use at home,
Where the clean seat glistens,
And no one listens
To hear flushing when you're done.

I'm dreamin' of a clean toilet
With every tissue I use to wipe,
May your seat be shiny and bright,
And may all your toilets ... be white.


*This song was sponsored by Ladys Home Urinal.


No.824

4 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

I hope you find enough carols to continue this nonsense for a long time!

Serena Joy said...

This is so hilarious! I hope you keep it going for a long time, too.

Hale McKay said...

By the way, I forgot to mention that the song "Clean Toilet" was sponsored by Ladys Home Urinal.

Peter said...

One of the better ones Mike.