Friday, February 02, 2007

Punxsutawney Phil and Phylis

Early one morning a figure is tip-toeing through his home. He is trying not to awaken his wife. All is going well until he trips on a rug and knocks over a lamp.

Phylis: Where do you think you're going?

Phil: It's February the 2nd! It's Groundhog Day!

Phylis: Oh no you don't! Not again this year.

Phil: But it's a tradition, honey.

Phylis: Tradition? Sure it is!

Phil: It's true. A lot of people are depending one me.

Phylis: Like that tramp two burrows down the field?

Phil: What ever do you mean?

Phylis: Do you think I'm stupid? You'll go up there and see your shadow cast upon her home, and I won't see you for six weeks!

Phil: You gotta believe me, sweetkins. I've never had sex with that woman!

Phylis: Is that so? Then how you explain disappearing for six weeks two years ago and showing up drunk in Miami?

Phil: Don't you remember I won those Super Bowl tickets. I went down there with my buddy!

Phylis: Except the Super Bowl was in Detroit!

Phil: Honey, I explained that when it happened. I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque!

Phylis: Is that why you took your swimming trunks and sunglasses?

Phil: Hey! Didn't I bring back a nice present?

Phylis: A box of Cuban cigars? What was I supposed to do with those? I don't smoke!

Phil: You know how hard it is to find those things? Besides, I read somewhere that they are an aphrodesiac!

Phylis: Hmph! All I gotta say, if you crawl out of this burrow and don't come back for six weeks - I won't be here when you get back!

Phil: But honey, it's my job. All those people with the cameras are expecting me.

Phylis: Aw, go and meet your adoring fans! But remember what I said. You come straight home right after your photo-op!

Our triumphant hero climbs the ladder from his burrow to greet the fans and paparazzi. He returns two hours later.

Phil: Honey, I'm home. You're not going to believe this! There was no shadow. You know what that means?

Phylis: (Groan!) I know, it means it's going to be an early winter. Well, if you think you're gonna lie around the house all spring in your underwear, you got another think coming!

Phil: No. This will give me a chance to paint the bedroom and fix that leak under the kitchen sink.

Phylis: Good idea. Why don't you start with spare bedroom?

Phil: Why the spare bedroom?

Phylis: Oh, did I forget to tell you? My mother is coming to stay for six weeks!

Phil: Excuse me. dear. I'll be right back!

Phylis: Where are you going now?

Phil: I'm going to see if those photographers are still up there.

Phylis: What ever for?

Phil: Well, the way I figure it if I can get the camera crew to shine those studio lights at just the right angle on me - it ought to cast a real good shadow of me.

It's time to leave the legendary prognosticator of Gobbler's Knob until the same time next year. Enjoy the promised shortened winter. Alas, I'm afraid our hero is in for one long spring.

Want to know about the history of Groundhog Day? Check out Storm Fax .



Jack K. said...

Maybe Phil will make it to Miami this year after all. snerx.

jules said...

Does it count that I FEEL like I've been buried in a hole for a while?

Peter said...

Surely there are better ways of determining the winter weather than a groundhogs shadow? but then again.... maybe not.

Raggedy said...

Great post.
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one