Weight and See

Subject: Diet Plan

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10-pound weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 pounds, as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20- pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her. When he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to Discover that he has lost another 20 pounds, as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50-pound program. "Are ! You sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely!" he replies," I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7-foot tall man standing there, wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: "I'm Dave. If I catch you, you're mine..."

"I once read this quote by the Rev. Joel Olsteen: ('You can't do anything about what is gone, but you can do something about what is left.') So I took one look at the last piece of cake and promptly ate it too." -The Pointmeister

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Warning on a bottle of hair coloring:
DO NOT USE AS A TOPPING FOR ICE CREAM

Bloomsbury Books editor to Harry Potter author J.K.Rowling, after purchasing Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone (for $1910)in 1966:
YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF CHILDREN'S BOOKS, JO. KEEP YOUR REAL JOB.

President George W. Bush on health care in America.
TOO MANY GOOD DOCS ARE GETTING OUT OF THE BUSINESS. TOO MANY OB-GYNS AREN'T ABLE TO PRACTICE THEIR LOVE WITH WOMEN ALL ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.

Nebraska female news anchor to male weatherman, regarding snowfall amount:
WHERE'S THAT SIX INCHES YOU PROMISED ME LAST NIGHT?

No.910

Black & White

Black and White

(Under age 40? You won't understand.)

You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. Pull a chair up to the TV set, "Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet." Depending on the channel you tuned, You got Rob and Laura - or Ward and June.It felt so good. It felt so right.

Life looked better in black and white. I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys, Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys , Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane. Father Knows Best, Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too, Donna Reed on Thursday night!

-- Life looked better in black and white. I want to go back to black and white. Everything always turned out right. Simple people, simple lives. Good guys always won the fights. Now nothing is the way it seems, In living color on the TV screen. Too many murders, too many fights, I want to go back to black and white. In God they trusted, alone in bed, they slept, A promise made was a promise kept. They never cussed or broke their vows. They'd never make the network now. But if I could, I'd rather be In a TV town in '53. It felt so good. It felt so right.

Life looked better in black and white.I'd trade all the channels on the satellite... If I could just turn back the clock tonight To when everybody knew wrong from right.

Life was better in black and white!

Another Goody For The Oldtimers

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutt ing board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem toget food poisoning.My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system. We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now..Flunking gym was not an option...even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.Speaking of school , we all sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then.

Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything. I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.I just can't recall how bored we were without compu ters, Play Sta tion, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat. We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T- SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING

(A special tip of the hat to Earl who sent me this nostalgic trip down Memory Lane to those simple Black & White days.)

No.909

Telephonies

If you owned a public business, more than likely you would want an efficient receptionist. She would be organized, congenial and an excellent typist. At the risk of being chauvinistic, you would probably want a receptionist who is also attractive.

Would you ever consider whether or not she has telephone or switchboard skills?

( Ring! Ring! )

Receptionist: "Good morning! You have reached the law offices of Hewey, Dewey, Louie and Screwy. How may I help you?"

Caller/Client: "Could I please speak to Mr. Dewey?"

Recepionist: "I'm sorry, but Mr. Dewey is unable to come to the phone right now."

Caller/Client: "Oh. When do expect him to be available?"

Receptionist: "It shouldn't be too long, maybe fifteen minutes. He stepped out to the pet store."

Caller/Client: "The pet store? At nine o'clock in the morning?"

Receptionist: "All I know, sir, is that he said he was going to see a man about a dog! Would you like to leave a message?"

Caller/Client: "No, that's okay. I'll call back later."

( Ring! Ring! )

Receptionist: "Good afternoon! You have reached the law offices of Hewey, Dewey, Louie and Screwy. How may I help you?"

Caller/Client: "Yes, could I speak to Mr. Hewey?"

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, but Mr. Hewey is unavailable right now. Would you like to leave a message?"

Caller/Client: "This is Mrs. Hewey. I need to know if he's going to be working late again tonight."

Receptionist: "Hah! Working late, Mr. Hewey? He never works late."

Caller/Wife: "What do you mean, he never works late? He's been late every night for the last two weeks!"

Receptionist: "Ma'am, I assure you he's been leaving early every day."

Caller/Wife: "What? Switch me to his secretary - NOW!"

Receptionist: "I'm afraid Miss Baker is also unavailable right now."

Caller/Wife: "I'll hold!"

Receptionist: "If you wish, Ma'am. But she won't be back today."

Caller/Wife: "What? Where did she go?"

Receptionist: "I don't know, Ma'am. She left early ... with your husband."

Caller/Wife: " ( Expletives deleted. )

Ad in the local newspaper the next day:

Wanted: Receptionist for the Law Firm of Dewey, Lewey and Screwy. Must be congenial and organized. Excellent typing skills a must. Applicants should be efficient ... but not too efficient.

No.908

We Need a Few Good Words

The Pink Panther is literally bursting through your screen because he and I have some news!

(Drum roll ! ) We are announcing a brand new site:

Verbicidal Tendencies !

This team site, which was launched today, 2/25/07, is dedicated to words. However, "words" is only the theme and does not relect the broader mission of Verbicidal Tendencies.

My fellow Wordsmith, Serena Joy and I have pooled our love of words to create what we hope will be an informative and fun site for all who visit there. If you love words, then you will like our efforts.


Immulating John Hancock who signed his name so large that the King could read it without his glasses, I have provided a link so large none of you will need your glasses to click on the link above.

It is not an exclusive club. We will welcome new team members who wish join us.

"The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry." - John Jensen

No.907

A Rat, A Brat, and Look at That!

There's something to be said about a daily constitutional. Once upon the throne you can escape the family's crap, take a crap, and all the while be reading the crap in the newspaper!

Kentucky Fried Rat

They say you can predict the weather by watching the actions of the local fauna. Surely it must hold true that what they eat should be safe for human ingestion?
....Apparently the rat population of Manhattan knows where the elite meet to eat - KFC. There must be something about Col. Sander's original recipe that draws dozens of the rodents nightly to a Greenwich Village KFC/Taco Bell. It would seem that when the Colonel is away, the rats will play.
....Local news camera crews caught the action of the nightly rat race. Their footage, which was shot through a storefront window, shows the critters scurrying around the floor, running between counters and tables and climbing on children's high chairs.
....By mid morning on Friday the footage was all over the Internet and TV news shows, with onlookers giving a play-by-play description from the sidewalk as the rodents went about their business.
....The store has been closed by health officials and will not be allowed to reopen until it is completely sanitized and given a clean bill of health. The same location had had passed a recent December inspection, although a violation was issued for evidence of rats - rat droppings.
....(It was not stated if the rats would be held responsible to pay the bill for the food that was consumed.)

Britney Litany

Resembling a Hare Krishna reject, 25-year-old pop tart Britney Spears cried out for help again! In actions reminiscent of Don Quixote's attack on a windmill, she laid siege upon an SUV brandishing an umbrella. The vehicle belonged to her estranged husband, Kevin Federline.
....Her manager, Larry Rudolph confirmed that she had been checked into Promises Malibu drug and alcohol rehabilitation center for the third time. Perhaps the third time will a charm.
....Her father, Jamie Spears finally spoking up saying, "We're just trying to take care of her. We've got a sick little girl!"
.... (No shit, Sherlock!)

Naked in Phoenix

American Science and Engineering, Inc., is unveiling a new X-ray technology at the airport in Phoenix, Arizona. The airport will be the first in the United States to test the device that can see through people's clothes and show the body's contours with blush-inducing clarity.
....While critics say that the high-resolution images are too invasive, the Transportation Security Administration say that the equipment will be adjusted so that the pictures can be blurred in certain areas and still detect concealed weapons.
....The machine will be used only as a back-up screening measure. Passengers who fail the standard screening with a metal detector will have the option of choosing between the new device or a pat-down search.
....(I wonder how easy it is to make the clarity adjustments? How long will it before someone figures out how to transfer the images to a cell phone and ultimately to the Internet?)

This technology will excite a lot of us in the private sector. Remember those X-ray glasses we ordered from the back pages of our comic books? The ones that didn't work for shit!
....Hope springs eternal ... that before long this technology will be adaped and finally provide us with X-ray glasses - that work!

No.906

Golf Sermon

A priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"Shit, I missed."

(Once again I find myself using material received in an e-mail.) - Thanks, Earl.

No.905

The Moral of Mr. Mouse

A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package.

...."What food might the package contain?" The mouse wondered.

....He was horrified to discover that the couple had bought a mousetrap!

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell that this is of grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

Mr. Mouse turned to Mr. Goat and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The goat sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse went to Mrs. Cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
Mrs. Cow replied, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap - alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to the kitchen to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail had the trap had snapped upon.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a fever.

Now everyone knows you treat a fever with chicken soup.

So the farmer took his hatchet to the hen house for the soup's main ingredient.

However, the wife's sickness continued. So friends and neighbors came over to sit with her around the clock.

To feed all of them, the farmer butchered the goat.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she languished for a week until, sadly, she died.

So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon all from his crack in the wall with great sadness .....

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember - when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

REMEMBER: Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry; our lives are woven together for a reason.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend!


No.904

Consummate the Positive

Consummate - to have sex after a bowl of soup

Should we condemn those who look for love in those Chat Rooms? There is "no" danger of anyone misrepresenting themselves behind the shelter of a keyboard, is there? Of course not! Everyone is honest because they want to meet Miss or Mister Perfect.

....This is evident, as you can see by the picture below of a typical male My Space user.
....Isn't it amazing how many men there are out there that look like Brad Pitt? There is a certain asylum on line, where even the Michelin Man can hook up with a Jessica Simpson look-alike.
....Just because I look like George Clooney with less gray hair doesn't mean I should flaunt it on line, does it? I'm not about to brag that just 15 minutes ago I was chatting with Catherine Zeta Jones.

....The way I figure it, the beautiful girls and handsome men go to chat rooms to stay away from the hordes that hit on them at the bar scene. I can sense that you are convinced.

So what does soup have to do with sex? Before you have either one, you'll want to know where it's been.
....Just ask Charlie Brown! (If you under the age of 18, please stop here and do not scroll down.)

We all know that size does not matter!

Everyone these days knows that is wise to protect themselves. Protection comes in many comfortable and practicle shapes and sizes!


No.903

Anyone Get the Number of That Tree?

Actual explanations found on auto insurance claim forms

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windsheld into my wife's face.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vwehicle.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounded off the roof of my car.

I told police that I was not injured but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front end.

(The SUV cartoon is courtesy of Nicholson Cartoons.)

No.902

Lost and, With Regrets, Found

Don't give me any more of your tired, your poor, your huddled masses ... We have enough already !

With this post I have taken the liberty (pardon the pun) to clear out some of the images and jokes that have been gathering cobwebs in the "draft drawer."

....I don't remember if the Statue of Liberty pic was in storage for the 4th of July this year, or for 2007.

....But I do subscribe to the idea that we could use a rewrite of "The New Colossus."

"Give us your reliable, your rich, your educated masses who speak English ..."

A WOMAN'S POEM

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard ...
Not like his Mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks
The way his Mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue,
Then I turned and smacked him ...
Like his Mother used to do.

-Anonymous


Be Strong, Honey

A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.
....He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
....While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist, just do what he tells you! This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
....To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very attractive, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."

A Hundred Bucks

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."
....She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
....She says, "A hundred dollars."
....He says, "All I got is thirty".
....She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".
....She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."
....She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

The Blindman

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
...."I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
....A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
...."Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
....Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
...."I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
....The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
.... Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.The blind man eats and leaves.
....He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
....Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
...."Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.
...."The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

No.901

Kathlick Kismet

Three little Boys were concerned

because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest Church.


But, only the Janitor was there.


One little Boy said,
"We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with us.
Will You baptize us?"

"Sure," said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom
and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now Baptized!".

When they got outside,
one of them asked,
"What religion do You think we are?"

The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, ......because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, ......because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, .....because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said,
"Didn't you smell that water?!"

They all joined in asking,
"Yeah! What do You think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians."

(This was flushed from an e-mail from my brother-in-law. Thanks, Donald!)

No.900

Litany of a Lethargic Lexicon

What's in a title anyway? Does it follow that it should reflect the content of the ensuing text? Is there an assurance that a catchy, killer title will prominently place one's post near the top of Google search results?
....My use of alliteration in the title of this post is decidedly by design. As a point of illustration, Noah Webster was brought in as a material witness for the prosecution. His credentials, impeccable as a lexicographer, could not be called into question.
....According to a volume of his works, Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language, the definitions of the entitled words follow.

litany - a recital or an account, usually repetitive
lethargic - drowsy or dull, sluggish
lexicon - the vocabulary of an author, or of a field of study

To wit, this post will be an account of recent events and will probably be repetitive. (i.e., Been there, done that.) I am in fact lethargic from the laborious task of trying to clear my driveway of ice from the recent snow/rain/sleet storm of Tuesday and Wednesday last.
....Finally, that leaves the ambiguous presence of the word lexicon. The word and its ambiguity refers to a dream, a possible project that is only in the infancy of discussions now. Its fruition, if it indeed comes to pass, will be announced hopefully in the near future, not only by myself but by any other parties who may participate.
....Without further ado, on with the litany.

The Sword in the Stone

As I approached the legendary icon I could not help but be humbled. Was it possible that a mere commoner could be King? Was I the one who was destined to loose Excalibur from the stele where Merlin had embedded it so long ago?
....At first I grasped the hilt and gently pulled on the sword, but the stone did not yield its hold upon the hidden blade. I planted my feet and positioned myself for the maximum leverage.
....Alas, twas not the steel of the fine sword that moved in agonizing protest to my show of strength, but instead it was the muscles and sinews of my back that gave way. Lest I caused irreparable harm to myself, I backed away from that monument of futility.
....Momentarily depleted of strength, I sat myself down upon an outcropping and gazed upon the enigmatic object. As I studied it, I resigned myself to the fact that it would not be I who would one day rule from Camelot.
....As reality and the folly of my reverie dissipated, I arose from the stairs of my back porch and fetched another shovel. As I walked past the snow shovel that been thrust into the snowbank the previous day, the man who would be King set about the arduous un-regal task of snow and ice removal of yon driveway.

To Boldly Go...

I have to admit that I am a long time fan of Star Trek and its spin offs. Not to denigrate the original series, I am most fond of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Its appeal lies in not only the improved special effects, but also in the superior scripts and character development.
....Having said that, this writing is neither a critique nor a discussion of the Star Trek franchises. It is not an excuse to use the image of the Enterprise warping into another quadrant of space many parsecs away, although it is a cool image.
....The subject of Star Trek: The Next Generation serves only to mention the addition of a recent blog to my blogroll. I am not generally prone to reading celebrity blogs, but this is one that peaked my interest.
...."Generation" fans will recognize Wil Wheaton as the erstwhile member of the Enterprise's bridge crew, Wesley Crusher* and the son of ship's doctor, Beverly Crusher. (I must say that I had a fanciful love/lust attraction to Gates McFadden who played Leslie's mother. While others favored Deana Troi, Marina Sirtis, I pledged my affection to the beautiful red headed doctor.) Ahem, that's enough about flights of fancy.
....I was curious as to what Wheaton would find to write about. I suspected that there would be a lot of talk about his acting career. (He also appeared in the film Stand By Me.) Not so.
....I was surprised, but should not have been to find that he is a techno-computer geek. He is now married and has two children. Had I not known who he was, the blog would not be unlike literally thousands of others, with the exception that his is well written.
....If you find yourself curious about what a former child actor/TV star would blog about, you can read his blog here. If you are interested in anything he may have written about Star Trek: The Next Generation, I did find one post that I found interesting. It was titled The Picard Maneuver. Engage!

What a Difference A Degree Makes

The mercury in the thermometers surged to 33 degrees today. That one seemingly insignificant degree placed the temperature above the freezing point. Ever so slightly, the ice in my driveway began to melt. As such I was able to remove a lot of ice today. The ice at the end of the driveway however, remained stubbornly glacial. We sure could use a few more degrees of separation of the mercury and the freezing point of water.
....The two and a half hours of exposure to the elements and the strain on my body explains my aforementioned lethargic state.

That's what's in a title. What say you, does the title reflect the context of the text that followed? Is it a catchy, killer title or what?

No.899

My Nape Neck of the Woods

A while back Peter, he of Holtie's House fame, posted of a blog surfing adventure he had taken.
....I had taken similiar treks in the past. The result of those tours can be found in my Blogroll under the titles of "he said," "she said," and "they said."
....Peter took it one step further and posted the results of his excursion into the blogosphere, which can be found here.
....The idea is to start on your own blog page and then click on the "next blog" link above your site's header. You then click on a blogroll link on that site. You keep repeating the process until you find a site that has your site linked. Peter's post was titled "10 Degrees of Separation," because it only took him 10 sites to find his way back to his own page.
....Actually he did land on other sites, but they weren't counted as they were either in foreign languages, were instructional or sales sites, or they had no blogroll. Those sites were just skipped. Peter provided the URLs to the ten that made up his route.
With a fresh cold drink close at hand and some munchies nearby, I nested in front of the computer today and set out on my own "Blog Trek."
....(1): The first site I landed on was a Russian site. I was about to skip it when I realized that it was a tribute to the American Pinup. For fun, I lifted the neon pic to your left, then I skipped it. (I forgot to grab the URL.)
....(2-5): Next, I landed on four foreign language posts in succession, all with those little squares for text. They were unceremoniously skipped.
....(6): Then I hit this site for BBQ Crock Pot Recipes. If you're looking for something different for your next meal, this site might be of interest to you. (No blogroll.)
....(6): This site had no blogroll either, but I thought it rated a mention. I found the title, not only its content, but its spelling of interest: "Understannding Body Language of your Girl Friend." If the author "understannds" body language as well as he understannds spelling and Spell Checker, then I have my doubts he understannds very little about women.
....(7): A Subaru owner with no blogroll.
....(8): A site that provided links to sites that sell male enhancement products. (No bloggroll.)
....(9): A site of a 25-year-old single mother who writes like a 12-year-old. This young lady should be more guarded about what she posts, lest DSS stumbles across it. In her profile she states that she likes "muthering" and "crowshaying." I think she may be related or perhaps the girl friend of the dude in item number 6. I chose not to copy her URL and she had no blogroll.
....(10-18): A series of computer ads, political blogs and foreign sites. The "Next Blog" button was getting much more a workout than blogroll links.
....(19): A site where you can actually bet on who is going to get kicked off the various Reality Programs. People will bet on anything won't they. I ignored the URL - I didn't want to contribute to any possible addicted gamblers out there.
....(20): Finally!! On my 20th site I landed on one I recognized. I had been here before: Wordless Wednesday. I had visited this site by way of someone's blog that I was certain may be on my own blogroll.
....(21): I rubbed my hands together and began scrolling down a rather large blogroll. I was getting anxious by the time I reached the letter "I's." Aha! Excuse me, Raggedy while I pass through. I just need to click on the link to my site. I'll be back soon!
....(22): Home! It took me 22 site links and an uncounted amount of skips and about two and a half hours to complete the trip.

It feels good to be back in my nape ... er ... neck of the woods.

No.898