Saturday, April 12, 2008

Downside Up, Outside In!

Upside Down,
Downside Up.

Inside Out,
Outside In.

Is the space time continuum running on a mobius strip, turning back in on itself?

Today I was randomly touring my Blogroll, trying to catch up on some reading. As I sometimes do, I also randomly clicked on some of the links on the blogrolls at some of those blogs.

I even checked out some of Blogger's "Blogs of Note." Now there's an oxymoron if I ever saw one! I'm mystified as to what the Blogger people consider noticeable about a blog. What kind of blogs do they notice? As for myself, I have noticed that every "Blog of Note" that I've checked out based on their "astute" suggestions, aren't in the least bit interesting!

I will qualify the last paragraph in admitting that it just so happened these blogs themes weren't of my taste or interest. I check some of these Blogs of Note at least once a week - don't you think that in three years I'd find at least one that was of interest to me? Well it hasn't happened yet! Not a one!
I read a "Mommy Blog" where the topic of the day was the science and beauty of baseball's squeeze play. This Mommy was questioning why the new Dodger's manager, Joe Torre, did not call for a squeeze play. It was the bottom of the ninth with the score tied two-two. There were no outs and a runner on third. (The middle of the order for the other team was due up if the game went into extra innings.) The Mommy noted that the other team was not playing for the bunt, in fact, the third baseman was all the way back on the edge of the outfield grass. The man on third was a fast runner and the batter was an excellent bunter. Well, the runner died at third as the Dodgers failed to drive him in. She didn't mention the final outcome of the game, but her last sentence was also the title of her post: "Torre: Go the F**k Back to New York, You Bum".
Did I mention that was a Mommy Blog?
Then I landed on the site of a muscle-builder/weight-lifter/triathlete. I was about to leave the site as soon as I got there until I noticed his post's title: "Gingham Curtains and Floral Wallpaper?" I thought, "Are you shitting me, a triathlete writing about window treatments?" Sure enough, here's this muscular man actually fretting over the dilemma of red gingham curtains against the backdrop of wallpaper with purple lilacs!
I'm afraid that my stomach and my sense of the order of the universe would not allow me to find out what "Mr. Body Beautiful" did to solve his quandary.

Now if the Mommy had been writing about gingham curtains ... If the triathlete had written about the squeeze play ... Then I might not have found anything to write about today ...

All would have been right with the space time continuum.

The Summer Olympics will be taking place soon in Beijing, China. What better way to set the space time continuum back in order than to post some Olympic jokes. Let's begin with the newest Olympic event in which the Americans are heavily favored to take the Gold.

New Olympic Event -Don't try this at home!


A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"


Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Olympic Wrestlers

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.

Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.

"I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.

"You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"



Skunkfeathers said...

Yeah, Blogger has some strange notions on what's 'noteworthy'; then again, there's probably a sizeable segment that think my blog is basic crap ;)

Thus goes the spaced intellect interruptum...

Hale McKay said...

Yup Skunk,

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, 'note-worthy' must be in the eye of the reader.

Jack K. said...

They were all rather amusing until the Olympic wrestlers. ROTFLMAO.

I had seen the new Olympic event video a while back. Still very exciting.

As for noteworthy, you got that right. It is in the eyes of the beholder.

Ain't life wonderful.

Now the question about curtains clashing with wallpaper, doesn't that "dude" watch HGTV?


Hale McKay said...


I guess that guy not only doesn't watch HGTV, he probably doesn't watch Martha Stewart either.

Phils Phun said...

G'day Mate
Just letting you know I've pinched your Olympic jokes

Hale McKay said...


No problem, mate.

What jokes hath been told, let no many stop them from being told down under.