Friday, May 30, 2008

The Clintonian Institution

Bill's Bad Night

When he was President Bill Clinton worked hard at the White House and spent most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife Hillary thought he was pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she took him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greeted them and says, "Hey, Bill! How ya doin?"

Hillary was puzzled and asked if he'd been to that club before.

"Oh no," said Bill. "He's on my bowling team."

When they were seated, a waitress asked Bill if he'd like his usual and brought over a Budweiser. Hillary was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then came over to their table, threw her arms around Bill, started to rub herself all over him and said "Hi Billy. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Hillary, now furious, grabbed her purse and stormed out of the club. Bill followed and spotted her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tried desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but she was having none of it. She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Geez, Bill, looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight."

Hillary's Sex Therapy

Hillary Clinton was very distraught over the fact that she hadn't had any sex for over 5 years. Even her sex-obsessed husband Bill hadn't been taking any interest in her. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

She did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery srow to odderside of room."

Again, Hillary did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery srow back to me."

As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex."

Hillary asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what exactly is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."

Monstrous Comparisons

---Alien: Scary.
Hillary: Ditto.

---Alien: Single purpose to use humans as hosts for its hatchlings.
Hillary: Single purpose to use humans as hosts for her ambitions.

---Alien: Persistent, will not quit.
Hillary: Persistent, will not quit.

---Alien: Acid runs through its veins.
Hillary: Venomous blood in her veins.



Skunkfeathers said...

I didn't know you knew Hillary personally.

Poor guy ;)

Jack K. said...

All right, you have finally gone too far. How dare you impugn the body of a delightful young woman by photoshopping her face and putting political slogans around her nipples?

I am shocked and speechless.

Besides, were Hillary's breasts that great when she was that age? I'll never tell.

Tee hee, snicker, giggle, snerx!

So there!!!

Nankin said...

I couldn't stop laughing. I'm all for a woman president, but Hillary doesn't fit the description.

Hale McKay said...

Well Skunk,

It's like this ... it was closing time ... she was the closest thing to an attractive woman in the place ... of course, beauty is subjective when you're looking through the bottom of a glass ... then I saw her cleavage ... and I sobered up ... thus avoiding a coyote syndrome morning ... and another stroke of luck ... Bill Clinton happened to stagger in the door ... while I slipped out the back ... the rest is history.

Hale McKay said...


It's a shame she misspelled veto.

Hale McKay said...


I'm glad you got a kick out of it.

I too believe a woman President would probably do okay in the office - but not THIS woman!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Who is this Hillary person? Must be somebody who was once important.

Skunkfeathers said...

Ya gotta beware of that barlighting, fella...the rumors about it are true. I mean, you didn't see Hill arrive on her broom, and her and Bill leave with it up his a...backside.

Barlighting does funny thangs to perception, shore 'nuff ;)

As for a woman president, I do consider that inevitable, and not at all bad....once we get past the 'un'inevitable Hillary, who'd set real women back a century...

Hale McKay said...


I think you're right, she might have used to be someone.

Hale McKay said...


If she hasn't already set women back - she has definitely set back future female presidential candidates.