Bill's Bad Night
When he was President Bill Clinton worked hard at the White House and spent most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife Hillary thought he was pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she took him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greeted them and says, "Hey, Bill! How ya doin?"
Hillary was puzzled and asked if he'd been to that club before.
"Oh no," said Bill. "He's on my bowling team."
When they were seated, a waitress asked Bill if he'd like his usual and brought over a Budweiser. Hillary was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then came over to their table, threw her arms around Bill, started to rub herself all over him and said "Hi Billy. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Hillary, now furious, grabbed her purse and stormed out of the club. Bill followed and spotted her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tried desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but she was having none of it. She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Geez, Bill, looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight."
Hillary's Sex Therapy
Hillary Clinton was very distraught over the fact that she hadn't had any sex for over 5 years. Even her sex-obsessed husband Bill hadn't been taking any interest in her. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."
She did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery srow to odderside of room."
Again, Hillary did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery srow back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex."
Hillary asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what exactly is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."
---Alien: Single purpose to use humans as hosts for its hatchlings.
Hillary: Single purpose to use humans as hosts for her ambitions.
---Alien: Persistent, will not quit.
Hillary: Persistent, will not quit.
---Alien: Acid runs through its veins.
Hillary: Venomous blood in her veins.