Salt Water Daffy

I got home early from work today. That hasn't been happening too often lately. Since there were no Red Sox or Celtics games on TV tonight, I thought I'd take advantage of the situation and get a head start on a post. If all went well, I figured I'd have more time to catch up on visiting some of the blogs from blogroll also.

Alas, the best of men and mice planning on getting laid the best laid plans of mice and men ....

It seems that Blogger was having some problems - which translate into problems for those of us who blog.

-> I could not open the comments pages to read comments left here and I could not leave comments at other blogs

->I could not open the post manager and thus could not compose or post.

So I read some blogs and surfed the web to troll for some material. Finally, Blogger's problems were fixed at 11 pm Eastern time. So much for a productive evening of blogging!

Since it was a little too late to try to post something creative, I culled through my files and found a few jokes about sailors. Being an ex-sailor (4 years in the Navy) I was saving these until I had a chance to use them. Well, Blogger forced my hand.

Popeye & the Pope
Most everyone has heard this one before:

Did hear what happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the crap out of him!


A Knotty Joke
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well old sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three knots?" he asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back!"

The Sailor and The Chicken

A sailor who has been at sea for several months comes into port and heads for a brothel. He tells the man at the desk he'd like a woman, but he doesn't have much money.

The man tells him a girl will cost him $40 and a show is $20. The sailor is desperate as he only has $5, having lost most of his money in cards games aboard ship. "You've got to help me out! I've been at sea for months and I really need a woman. You've got to do somethning for me. Please!"

The man thinks for a moment, takes the money, and directs the sailor to one of the upstairs rooms. Once inside the room the sailor looks around but the only thing he sees is a chicken. Desperate for some action, he resigns himself to f**k the chicken and quickly leaves.

Two weeks later, he returns, this time having won a few bucks on ship. "What do you have for $20," he asks.

The man directs him upstairs once again to a different room. Opening the door, the room is packed with men shoulder to shoulder all watching lesbians through a one-way mirror on the wall. The sailor's eyes light up as he watches and remarking to a man standing next to him, "This is great."

The man replies, "If you think this is great, you should have been here 2 weeks ago. There was a guy f**king a chicken!"


Rednecks' Love Lesson
Two country bumpkins get married and go to the city for their honeymoon. They go into their hotel room for the night and get in bed, and neither of them knows what to do now.

They look out the window and see some sailors outside. "I'll bet they can help us!" says the husband, and runs downstairs.

A sailor comes up back with him. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor several feet away from the bed. "Now I want you to watch me carefully, but no matter what I do, do not step out of the circle," says the sailor.

The husband is standing in the circle while the sailor proceeds to make wild passionate love to the wife for a few hours.

The sailor stands up afterwards and sees that the husband is giggling. "What's so funny?!" asks the sailor. The husband answers, "I stepped out of the circle three times, and you didn't even notice!"

No.1352