Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sticker Shock, Sucker

The price increase will help the U.S. Post Office to maintain the high level of performance and efficiency we've grown accustomed to .....

Just today I swapped mail with my neighbor ... I gave him his mail from my mailbox, and he gave my mail that had been delivered to his address.

One piece of mail I received was my electric bill that I had mailed last week. It had been returned and according to the stamped rejection on it ... it had insufficient postage! When I dropped it in the mailbox I had used a Forever Stamp! It would appear that the performance of the efficient mail sorter at the P.O. is exactly at the level I've grown accustomed to ...

Despite the fact that my street (Preston) is on the other side of town from Prescott Street, I received that person's TV Guide.

In all fairness to the Post Office, my mail, my neighbor's mail, my Electric Bill and the other person's TV Guide were all postmarked prior to the 1-cent increase to 42 cents. The extra penny apparently had yet to factor into the P.O.'s operations!
Why pick on the Postal Service and not poke fun at it too with some jokes?

I Want This Mailbox!

A woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $2.40 for fast delivery or $1.30 for slower service.
"There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is delivered in my lifetime."
The postmaster glanced at her and said, "That will be $2.40, please."

A lady bought a stamp at the post office and asked the clerk, "Shall I stick it on myself?"
The clerk replied, "It'll get there faster if you stick it on the envelope."

Trust me, they get better.
The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment.
Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and lead him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she lead him downstairs where she prepared an exquisite dinner for him.

He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Dinner was my idea."

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"

The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."

"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"

The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."

The guy says, "If the working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come in at 10?"

"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

There is a woman in a hospital giving birth. Although she has been in labor for a few hours, the doctor can see this it's going to be a very painful delivery. So he asked the wife, "We have a new experimental technology that we would like to test on you, it takes some of the pain from the wife, and gives it to the father. Would you like to try it?

Of course the couple says yes.

So the doctor sets up the machine and gives the father-to-be one quarter of the wife's pain. The husband feels nothing. So they increase the pain to 50% each. Still the husband feels no pain at all.

Finally the husband is receiving all the wife's pain and neither of them feel a thing.

When the get home, they see the mailman lying on their lawn, moaning in pain, nearly dead.

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.

As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?"

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that.

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times...."



Skunkfeathers said...

Eh..what's a penny increase, other than a corresponding drop in efficiency? The more money we pump in, the more stumbling, fumbling bureaucracy is created. Typical government ;-)

Jack K. said...

Great jokes.

Semi-automatic to uzis.

The dinner was my idea.

Your name came up seven times.


NYD said...

Here in Japan-land we gotta pay about 75 cents for a letter to be deliveres. But they are deliverd by geisha and opened by samurai. That's some kind of service

Hale McKay said...


...And to think that the Post Office looked into a way to see if they could charge e-postage for e-mails!

Hale McKay said...


Yes, they were some good jokes - and they are all new to me! What a find!

Hale McKay said...


Now that's mail service! 75 cents? Worth every penny!

kenju said...

Oh, I do like this one! The post office is one of my pet peeves, and raising the cost of stamps - yet again - is unnecessary, I think.

Hale McKay said...

Hiya Kenju,

I think just about everybody can find a few reason to bash the U.S. Postal Service.

I read that it is likely that they will be going up a penny just about every year.