Did Bobbit Bob It?
Larena Bobbit was held for questioning after an ancient phallic statue was discovered mutilated this morning. Police are searching the area for the severed portion.
Speaking of Peckers...
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is!"
Some people cannot take a hint. Most people know that it's over when the fat lady sings. So why is Hillary goosing the fat opera singer?
Hillary, don't you remember when your parents and teachers looked at you and said, "Sit down and shut up?"
I guess you must have taken a bullet or some shrapnel to the head when you and Chelsea were under fire, eh? Why would want another job you can't handle anyway? Didn't you marry Bubba to love him and to keep him out of trouble? How'd that work out for you?
Spreading Some Poop
A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what are you doing?"
The boy replied, "I am making Barack Obama with this manure, Mister."
Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making Barack Obama? Why not make, er, Hillary Clinton?"
The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Hillary Clinton."
"But why not?" asked the man.
The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough here to make Hillary Clinton."
The first thing I'm going to do with my government rebate check is to buy some gasoline. Then I'll buy some food! If there's anything left, I think I'll put into a savings account.
Because I'll be needing the money for the week after that to buy some more gas and more food, the rebate check will really bail us out for the year and push us to the top of lists of elite.
Since our anniversary and Mother's Day are so close, we will celebrating them both on Sunday.
Since our daughter was born, it will be our 34th celebration of Mother's Day. Our anniversary (6th of May) this years marks our 36th year together.
Seeing that we have managed to co-exist for so long without killing each other is testimony to the fact that we have two television sets and two computers!
My prayers are offered to those mothers whose sons or daughters are serving our country in the Middle East.