Sunday, March 11, 2007

Giving Good Head ....Lines

Sometimes a title says it ...

Sometimes a picture says it ...


(Ima Butts,pictured at right and making her third appearance in this blog, will be introducing the first headline.)

And sometimes a Headline says it all.

A REASON FOR ODOR FOUND AT SEWER PLANT
- (Sand Mountain Reporter, Alabama)

HURRICANES UNHEALTHFUL
- (Rapid City Journal, South Dakota)

PANTY PESTS EASY TO CONTROL
- (Oconto County Reporter, Wisconsin)

JUDGE LOSES FIRMNESS WHEN HE DOFFS HIS ROBE
- (Buffalo Courier-Express)


(Daughter stunned as she looks on.)


VIRGIN HOLDS OFF 10,000 IN PEACH TREE
- (Lewiston Morning Tribune, Idaho - reporting on long distance runner, Craig Virgin's victory in the Atlanta Peachtree Classic road race.)

NAVY CHANGES SKIRT POLICY MAKING APPAREL OPTIONAL
- (San Diego Union Tribune)

(I'll bet that straightens his putter.)


RUMSFELD'S PUBIC ROLE IS SHRINKING
- (Providence Journal, Rhode Island)

(We knew about Monica, but who's Bonnie?)

(Must have been the refried beans!)


The following headlines did not have sources cited. They may have been created on a random headline generator, but they can be found at several different sites. In the place of the sources, I have added my own thoughts.

PANDA MATING FAILS - VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
- (Says Panda, "He doesn't call ... he doesn't write ...")

BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS
- (Now she'll be able to piss on his grave.)

DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON
- (In a seance, Ann Sothern talks about her reincarnation as a car.)

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
- (How the cow got hold of the keys to the tool shed a mystery.)

WILLIAM KELLY WAS FED SECRETARY
- (Says Kelly, "Tastes just like chicken.")

DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELING OF ISOLATION
- (..And you think life is unfair?)

MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN
- (Being slain usually is fatal.)

QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
- (That can't feel so good on the hemorrhoids.)

No.921

9 comments:

Carolyn said...

OMG! LOLOLOL! I couldn't imagine who you were talking about when you left msg on my blog. I may have to snitch that picture ;D

Those headlines are good ones too.

Doesn't smoking burn Ima's bum? Oh wait, let me guess-- she's got plenty of analgesics for that!

Hale McKay said...

Carolyn, I remembered how much you liked that picture. By all means, snitch away.

I don't know about he burns, but I'm sure she must keep a butt kit somewhere nearby.

Serena Joy said...

OMG, what great headlines! I can't say the same for poor homely Ima. LOL!

lime said...

and a local headline i remember from a couple years ago during a judge's race....

SMITH GETS MOST HIGHEST RATINGS FROM BAR ASSN.

pink ginger 珂琳 said...

Brilliant !!
it brings smile to my face.
You're resourceful, hale mckay

Raggedy said...

Hahahaha!
Great Head Liners!
I have a friend that collects odd newspapers clipings. She takes pictures of them and sends them to me. Send me an email if you want me to forward some of them to you.
I really liked your added lines in the last group.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

Jack K. said...

While I have never had to have my bottom scraped, I understand that is probably the best way to deal with such problems.

Top cat said...

LMAO..these are great. I like the smoking butt.
tc

Lauren said...

Anyone know the details of when the JUDGE LOSES FIRMNESS WHEN HE DOFFS HIS ROBE - (Buffalo Courier-Express) was published? I am trying to track down the actual article text.

Thanks!

lauren@hawthornhill.us