Monday, February 21, 2005

Stowing Thrones

~ I call them groaners. They are those jokes that tell you a story, hold your interest, and then force you to groan when you hear the punchline. Indeed such a punchline is like a sucker punch. There are many of them out there, all of them with "groan power." So from the seat of my pants, I am serving up a trio of them from the top of my head.
~ A Rabbi wandering the land to spread the Word, comes upon the small town of Trid situated at the base of a large muddy hill. In the town center he observed a curious ritual that all of the Trids seemed to revel in. They would climb to the top of the steep hill, where they would then lean forward with their hands on their knees. At that point, a large troll would then appear and promptly kick them in the rear end. Powered by the force of the kick, they would be sent down the slope sliding in the mud all the way down to the town square. Such was their apparent enjoyment of this, that they would get back in line to climb to the hill's crest again.
~ The Rabbi, thinking that when in Rome do as the Romans, took his place in the line. Upon reaching the summit, anticipating the thrill of it, assumed the position. Instead, the troll looked at him and said, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
(GROAN) I am holding up a sign with that word to cue the audience. The two placards with "Laugh" and "Cheer" is not used very often.
~ In a far away kingdom which bordered several other richer kingdoms, lived a king who was envious of neighboring monarchs and their lands. Not having the resources of the other kingdoms, his reign was less than glorious. So he decided that he must embellish his kingdom with the best of everything. He oversaw the construction of a crystal castle. After fitting his castle with the finest finery, he felt that something was missing. So from the dwindling coffers he ordered a magnificent golden throne be built.
~ When it was complete he knew he now had the greatest castle of them all. What grand castle wouldn't be complete without the grandest throne? From a gold throne he would rule long within his glass castle.
~ But when he sat upon the golden throne, the additional weight caused it and him to go crashing through the glass floors. This set in motion the collapse of the entire castle.
~ The moral of the story: People who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones. (GROAN)
~ At his ranch, Roy Rogers celebrated his birthday with Dale his wife and good friend Gene Autry. Both cowboys had been matinee idols, rivals, and friends through the years. They were admiring Roy's brand new boots, one of his birthday gifts. Later Roy and Dale waved goodbye to Gene as he rode home on his horse Champion.
~ As it had been raining and the new boots had gotten muddy, Roy left them by the door for the night. He did not want to track up Dale's clean floors. The next morning he found his new boots shredded to pieces on the porch. In the yard was the distinct footprints of a large mountain lion.
~ Climbing into the saddle atop his horse Trigger, Roy said goodbye to Dale, telling her he would return when he had tracked down the cat. Several days would pass before she heard the hoofbeats approaching the ranch house. Gene, who had dropped by for another visit, joined Dale on the porch as Roy approached. Draped over the back of the saddle was the tan body of a large mountain lion.
~ In unison, both Dale and Gene chimed, "pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?" (GROAN)
~ Groaners is a fitting label for these farcical jokes. The best part of them is not the laughs they generate, but rather measuring the decibels of the groans.
~ Fear not, I'm sure that I can come up with a few more for a future blog. (GROAN)
~No. 47

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