Dangerous Weapon

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( I see a Jay Leno joke here, just waiting to be written!)
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In an unnamed community north of Boston, the State of Massachusetts Appeals Court upheld an Essex County judge's Feb. 2001 summary in a bizarre case known as "John Doe vs. Mary Moe." In that case, the judge had ruled that a North Shore man who suffered a fractured penis while making love, could not sue his partner for recklessness because they were engaged in consensual sex.
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( Here, Leno might say: "Well maybe there should have been at least a "stiff fine.")
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From the court's four-page ruling, reporter John Strahinich was able to reconstruct the events of the story. The couple was engaged in sex early on the morning of Sept.14,1994. "John" was lying on his back with "Mary" sitting astride him.
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( Leno might say: "She had the best seat in the house.")
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Apparently for purposes of penetration and stimulation, the woman unlocked her legs and placed her feet on either side of his stomach. While attempting this maneuver, she landed awkwardly upon him causing a "penile fracture." The injury required emergency surgery followed by a considerable period of recovery.
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( Leno could say here: "I'll bet it was a "lengthy" recovery.")
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Since, the man has allegedly suffered "sexual dysfunction" that has not responded to medication or counseling. He then filed suit against his partner for "negligent sexual intercourse." Judge Thomas Billings dismissed the case as cited above in Feb. 2001.
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( Leno might offer up this: "I guess the judge was up-front with his ruling.")
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Yesterday, May16,2005, the appellate court upheld that decision. In its statement the court said, "One cannot as a matter of public policy, consent to becoming a victim of an assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon in the course of a sexual relationship."
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( Leno could close his jokes with: "I think the judge was referring to an "assault with a dead weapon.")
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Speaking of jokes, I am reminded of one relevant to the above story that I heard several years ago. It seems that a man was involved in a motorcycle accident. As a result of the accident, the man's penis was severely mangled. After surgery the doctor applied splints to it in order to prevent further injury while it was healing.
~ It so happened that shortly afterwards he was to get married. After the festivities of the wedding, the bride and groom were finally alone in their hotel room. Slowly undressing, his new wife removed her bra and said, "See these breasts. Until tonight they have never been seen or touched by a man." When removing her panties she added, "See this vagina. Until this night it has never been seen or touched by a man."
~ Not to be outdone, the groom promptly removed his briefs and said proudly, "See this penis. Not only has it not been seen or touched by a woman, it is still in the original case!"
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( Finis)
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No.145