Friday, May 27, 2005

Stir Wars: Revenge of the Sift

time ago a diner far, far away...In recent weeks here had been a great disturbance in the Forks. The old hermit from the hills who called himself Uncle Ben, said that it felt like acute heartburn. In a struggle for survival against the evil Empire of Franchises, the Republic of Family Diners faced an uncertain fate.
The Republic had turned its faith to a short order cook named Juke Cakewalker. Although it had been rumored he had been kidnapped by an Empire faction, the rebels knew he was safe. Somehow the Empire knew he was strong with the Forks. A lot had happened since Juke had mysteriously vanished. He had learned that Uncle Ben was actually one the legendary Jello Knights, in hiding since the Empire had gained control of the galaxy. It turned out that Ben was actually Order-Me-One-Cannoli, a Jello Master! Order-Me-One told Juke that they had to go to the Also-Ran System to rescue the Princess Lena Oregano. He added that he would train Juke in the ways of the Forks. Soon after they were in space hurtling toward Also-Ran. In a bar at the space port, they had hired a ship crewed by a renegade pilot Lawn Polo and his companion Chewtaco, a Cookie. While in hyper-space, Juke received some training in the Forks. Order-Me-One told Juke of his father, also once a Jello Knight. But Bananaskin Cakewalker had given in to market side of the Forks. Order-Me-One-Cannoli and Bananaskin had once been the best of friends. That was before Cakewalker embraced the evil side of the Forks. Finally Juke learned that his father was dead, consumed by the Forks. Against all odds, the foursome was successful in avoiding capture by the Storm Cookers, the soldiers of the Empire. They had located and rescued the Princess who had in her possession the schematic for a powerful Empire weapon. They had fought valiantly but were cornered in a hangar just short of Lawn Polo's ship, the Momentum Sparrow. Both Juke and Order-Me-One sensed something dark and cold. Order-Me-One told the others to get ready to board the ship while he created a diversion. No matter what happened, he told them, the Princess must be taken to safety. Out of the shadows stepped a dark imposing figure and between them stood Order-Me. Juke had heard of this evil Sift, the one known as Lord Charred Wafer. Suddenly two bright shafts of light emerged from the hilts of their electric knives. The very air crackled as the sabers of light clashed violently. As suddenly as the battle had begun, Wafer's weapon struck Cannoli, and it was over. All that remained was his cloak as Wafer poked at it on the deck. Somehow, Polo had piloted the Momentum Sparrow free and into hyper-space before the Empire's fighters could fire upon them. Later at the Rebel base on a small planet near the center of the galaxy, the Princess produced the plans for the Empire's new weapon. This weapon, the Bread Star was a planet killer and it was heavily armored. Scout ships had sent reports that the Bread Star was on a direct path to their location. Chewtaco discovered a tracking device on the hull of their ship. While escaping from the Empire, they had actually led them to the Rebel base. A battle ensued at a great loss of lives and ships, the Republic ships fought gallantly. Juke, in one of the fast z-wing fighters flew dizzily through a gauntlet of of the pretzel-wing Imperial fighters. Juke would later tell that he thought he heard Cannoli's voice in his head. Later he find out that he had been tapping into the Forks. He claimed that the voice guided him to aim his weapon accurately. He launched his Deli-Steak Bomb and saw it enter the vent port of the nuclear reactor that powered the Bread Star. He veered away at top speed away from the massive death ship. Following a series of smaller internal explosions, the Bread Star vanished, obliterated to atoms. As the rebels were leaving the base to rendezvous at another remote planet to re-establish a base of operations, Juke set course for another part of the galaxy. Guided by the Forks, he followed what seemed to be the astral coordinates of a small planet near the outer rim. With his trusty droid, R2RNot handling the flight, Juke placed himself into a trance-like state of sleep. Not sure why he had traveled to such a remote planet, Juke found himself face to face with great Jello Master named Yogurt. He learned that he was to be trained extensively in the ways of the Forks. Yogurt said that if he had the right stuff, Juke would become a Jello Knight. The training would not be easy Yogurt warned the young Cakewalker. The fate and hope of the Republic might someday be in his hands. Reading the vibrations within the Forks, Yogurt foresaw that one day, Juke Cakewalker would have to face Charred Wafer. Wafer, once a protege of Cannoli and Yogurt, had given in to the Market side of the Forks. He joined forces with evil Sift and was in part responsible for the Empire's stranglehold on the known galaxy. Most of the Jello Knights had been killed off. Yogurt and the remaining Jellos had disbursed throughout the galaxy and went into hiding. The small companies and businesses were failing before the might of the Fast Food chains. Yogurt knew that the Order of the Jello had to rebuild and gain in strength and numbers before they would be strong enough to rise up in rebellion. Something about that young Cakewalker was strong, the Forks seemed to embrace him. Yogurt sensed that Juke just might be the one Jello Knight who could save the Republic.
To be continued...Episode 2: "Stir Wars: Return of the Jello"

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