Thursday, November 10, 2005

Return To Finnegan's Atoll

(Way back in February I posted a parody of "Gilligan's Island." Titled "Finnegan's Atoll," it told the story of seven castaways on an uncharted island. So I traipsed back into the February archives ( for posting number 43 ) to check up on the unfortunate wayfarers.)
Theme Song: Just sit right back and please read my blog, A blog stolen from a TV script, That started from my black Pilot pen, aboard a sorry little ship.

B. Butz, the skipper of the ill-fated Guppy, maneuvered through the stand of palm trees. He knew Carrie Ann liked to sunbathe down by the shoreline - in the nude. Oh, he'd seen her nude several times since they'd been stranded on that island. Lord knows he had made his share of passes, all of which had been rejected. By his own admission, he was a stubborn man and didn't like to take no for answer. As a result he would end up chasing her, but his stamina wasn't what it used to be. Although she always eluded him, he took pleasure in the sight of watching her naked lithe body running ahead of him; that tight jiggling butt, those bouncing breasts, the long legs .... those bouncing breasts ....
The mate was a thin rail of a man. The skipper large and unsure. The five passengers out to see the sights, On a three hour tour. A three hour tour.
..The weather had gotten so rough, That the tiny boat was tossed. If not for the passenger's help, The Guppy would be lost. The Guppy would be lost.
....Suddenly he stumbled over something in his path, he tried to grab a vine hanging from a nearby tree to keep from falling. The vine twisted and hissed. It wasn't a vine but a tree snake! He threw it ahead of him, the motion causing him to fall face first into the unclothed lap of the porno star, who had been practicing Kama Sutra positions against the tree. At that same instant the flying snake fell into Finnegans pile of clothing at his feet. Like the skipper, he too was aware of Carrie Ann's daily sunning naps. He had heard the disturbance and hurriedly began to pull on his trousers. The movement in the pants moving up his leg, sent him into a fit of terror and he raced out into the clearing, where he bumped into the kneeling oil tycoon, who was trying to get a drink of water, sending him headlong into the small pool. Meanwhile, the porno star trying to hide her southern exposure, had locked her legs around the skipper's neck, and at first thought she was filming a steamy love scene and began to rock her hips and moan. The teenage secretary of the oil tycoon had been nearby trying to fashion a new grass skirt when she heard the moaning and went to investigate, forgetting she had removed her old grass skirt. She gasped when she saw the porn queen writhing, and seeing the skipper knelt before her, realized she was intruding on their privacy and started backing away, promptly bumping into .... something. At that very moment, the skipper was having a hard time breathing, and locked where he was by the porn star's legs, he tried to lunge forward to free himself, the sudden movement pushing the porn star against the tree, which loosened a coconut above. The secretary turned to see that she had bumped into the computer geek's "something," and it was obvious he must have been glad to see her. At that instant the coconut fell, striking him on the head and in turn bounced into her forehead, causing them both to fall stunned, he backward and her forward. She braced herself, she could see where she was going to land, and she had no time to close her legs. He fell flat on his back as she landed astride him, but their meeting of "somethings" never happened. Apparently the blow to the head by the coconut had rendered him no longer glad. Frustrated, she picked up the coconut and flung it as hard as she could. The tycoon had just managed to crawl out of the pool of water when the coconut struck him in the face, whereupon he fell back into the pool. She sat up with a start from her nap. The first thing she saw was Finnegan running in her direction. She tried to cover herself with her hands, but saw something curious. In wide eyed wonder her eyes were fixed upon his open fly from which something was not only hanging but was coiling and uncoiling. Finnegan had made passes at her before, but never like this. He stopped in front of her, but she couldn't take her eyes off of it dangling, wiggling, and coiling just inches from her face. When she eagerly grabbed it, she screamed and threw her arms high sending the unfortunate snake airborne again. With that motion her leg flew upwards nearly striking Finnegan, but her foot entered the open fly, causing him to pull back and at the same drag her forward, causing them to fall into a tangle of limbs. Panting trying to catch his breath, the tycoon stood by the edge of the pool when he saw the coconut that had struck him. Angrily he kicked it as hard as he could, sending him dancing in pain on one foot, as he held onto the other, the uncontrolled jumping sending him back into the pool. The skipper had managed to get some air at last, and looking up at porn star with his chin on her stomach he saw that she must have fallen asleep. Thinking he had worn her out, he got to his knees and began to fumble with his fly thinking he would really wear her out this time. He didn't feel the snake in his pants leg, where the luckless serpent had crawled for safety, obviously tired of flying. The porn star, who had been knocked unconscious against the tree, opened her eyes to see the skipper trying to remove his pants, but she also saw a curious clump in the back of his pants, and thinking he had crapped in his pants, stood up and hurriedly walked away, leaving him "falling from grace." The tycoon, seeing the naked porn star followed by the skipper screaming something about a snake coming his way, shrugged his shoulders and unceremoniously jumped back into the pool.

Well, the sun is about to set, so I think we'll leave the castaways for now. They seem to be surviving and getting along well. If you enjoyed this episode, please do check out the original post mentioned above.

No phone, no TV, no pizza shops. Not a single change of clothes, Like Robinson Cruesoe, As primitive and as naked as can be.



Anonymous said...

cool article

Thoughts said...

I always liked Gilligan's Island but I haven't been able to make a radio out of any kind of fruit, any hints?.